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I am so glad you are getting to your dance class! I know how great that feels. (I just found out that the Y near my house does unlimited childcare for $40 a month so I can swim or do yoga every day. This makes me very happy!) Anyway, please excuse the unsolicited advice which you probably already have heard (and hopefully will never again need), but I have been struck by how much sleeping and eating seem to be interconnected for babies in my own and some of my friends' experiences. for instance, my friend Amy's baby Courtney did not sleep through the night until, when the baby was four months, Amy had to go to a wedding and left her daughter with her parents for the night. Turned out that Courtney drank almost an entire 8 oz. bottle of breast milk and slept soundly for nine hours--the first time ever! Juniper, my daughter, usually sleeps eight hours straight (she's almost seven weeks) when I give her an extra feeding right before bedtime (if I skip this, she only sleeps five hours). Of course, this may be specific to two very particular babies, but I've also observed the opposite: babies who don't eat much at night wake up more often (however, in at least one case, the parents can't entice the baby to eat more, so there's not much to be done). Sounds like Ben is sleeping well simply from your request, which is so wonderful, but I thought I'd mention this anyway.

Enjoy Nia!

I loved this, Andrea - I will try it TONIGHT with our wee one!

Baby whisperer

They do understand, more than we beleive.

My baby did the same thing. He is 15 now.

Ask for what you want and when it comes to you embrace it. It is not wishful thinking nor a fluke, it is a true reality.

I've read about this in Anthony Robbins book.
I believe it is right, but we should add something to it. that if you can request in a good way, do it.
If you don't know how to request, it is better not to do.

I had a similar experience when my daughter was five days old. Up to that point nursing was a two person job. The night before my husband went back to work, I said to her "OK, love, we have to get this nursing thing down. Daddy's going back to work tomorrow and I need us to do it on our own." And just like that it was handled.

Thanks for reminding me the power of a request.

Andrea!

Thanks for this. Last week I heard or read somewhere that "a complaint is an unarticulated request." Sounds like you're taking that to heart in spades, empowering yourself through requesting vs. complaining, and you are being rewarded in spades!

Very glad for it and you, and for how you're emerging these past many months, sharing how you're integrating pre-Ben you with post-Ben you and how the world looks the same, different, and how you're creating much of that! You are inspiring!

Love from the East coast,
Laura Neff

This is absolutely awesome. My boyfriend and I just talked about this. No one knows what you want unless you make it known.

Thank you so much for this little reminder... It's all just SO true. I think it's all in how you do the asking as well. People respond well to calm and rational needs. Asking with resentment behind it, won't produce the results.

I want to move to California. All I have to do is ask the universe for it's prayers and then do the work to make it happen. And stop worrying about the unknowns.

Little Ben is such a sweetie...

Wow, thank you for sharing! I had an Ah Hah! moment while reading your post. I set high expectations for myself and it is easy for me to get caught up in Life's Schedule, I forget I am able to "Ask for what you want," thank you for the reminder.

You have touched my life today and made me smile :)

It's a funny you would write about asking for what you want, just yesterday I had decided to do that very thing! Nothing elaborate, just taking time and a bit of extra cash to take better care of my health without the guilt us moms usually have over spending cash you know could go for something else. Not saying it was easy, but I have to take care of myself first so I'll be here and healthy to take care of the munchkins.

I think the lesson you described at the end is one that can be applied to so much of life. Don't get too attached to our opinions, complaints, fear, anger, parenting strategies, even people. Things change. People change. Life is contstantly changing. What works today may not work tomorrow.

What I'm learning is this: when in doubt, speak rationally to the woman in the mirror. Ask for what I need and want. And always keep the faith. Hold onto hope. Keep the peace - with myself and with those I know and love. Live, laugh, love. The rest of it, not worth getting too attached to. Not at all.

Thanks for sharing your stories and photos.
Peace to you and those you love, Gail

It seems that your gene of inspiration has been passed on to little Ben! Congratulations!

Ah, yes, but they are starting to *understand* English, or at least what our faces are saying I think. That's so cool!
Also- remember you story about finding an apartment in SF, and being told you needed to ask for what you wanted (second floor, good water pressure?) I did that this week, with your story firmly in mind. And guess what? Beutiful apartment in the Richomond district, with exactly what we needed... and here is the crazy part... we found it in TWO DAYS, and it's UNDER PRICED!! So, you told a story that taught me this lession really well - already! Yay!

I am such a believer in this and I am so glad you wrote about it. Put it out there and the universe will bring it back to you, seriously. You were blessed to see it instantly!!! Wow!!!!
It is so easy to speak negative and then wonder why in the world are all these bad things happening to me? Duh!!! It is also so easy to speak positives and then be in awe of how much the universe loves you and how well your angels listen. All you have to do is ask.
Too cool! Have a restful week.

I"m right there with you -
on a good night my little man only wakes 3 times to feed.
On a bad night I wake up 5, 6 times to his gruntings, fussings, and stirrings.
I think I shall try your trick, oh wise superhero.

Babies speak every language, but especially Love :-)

We just spent the weekend with family who has a preschooler and a new baby. The mom noticed how straightforward my husband and I are with each other, and I said, "because we've learned to ask for what we want." :) It can only bring good!

Wonderful news on getting more sleep! Clearly Ben is a super-genius. ♥

It's the "ah-ha" moment of new parenthood that you just had, lol. Once the shock of the initial bit wears off, you start to think..."Hey, I can't possibly keep up at this pace or else I'll go crazy...I do have rights to exist as my own person, don't I?" The answer, of course, is an astounding YES. Not only do you, but you must in order to be the well rounded person you want to show your child. When you're happy, he's happy...not YOU make him happy, meaning you give and give in order to fulfill his happiness. Because we all know that never works no matter if the person is 30iches tall or six feet tall.

Just as he will one day discover that he can't spend all his time with you...that other things make him happy and bring him fulfillment, you are the same. You will want it for him. And, despite how it might seem at times as a mother, he truly will want the same for you.

I remember when I realized I had to do other things besides being a mother. It was at around a year. A friend asked me to go out and I felt trepidation. I just wasn't sure I should go. Not because I felt unsafe to leave Sarah, but because I thought she'd feel abandoned...rejected in some way because I wanted to be somewhere other than with her...enjoying myself, God forbid, lol.

I did go, at the urging from all my family (who knew I was going to crack like a nut soon if I didn't stop being so wound up about my child). I had a good time. I missed my child a bit, just enough to make me really enjoy seeing her when I got home. I was happy and she knew it the moment I came in the door. She fed off it. And for many days afterwards I was renewed in my role of stay at home mom. But the real key here was that when I felt the urge to do for myself the next time, I didn't have that pang of guilt and hesitation. And that is when I realized motherhood did not come with me abandoning myself completely, a fact that has to be learned and honed.

Way to go mom! And remember to NEVER hesitate asking your husband for help with Ben. In fact, he, like many fathers, probably quietly wishes he had more time alone with him. Us moms tend to hover too much around the dads when they have the kids. That was another lightbulb moment for me that came eventually too. I'm sure my husband sometimes wishes I hadn't had that epiphany, lol!

I'm in shock! What do you mean it was the first time you had spoken to Ben in a rational, adult tone?

That is so funny. My friends used to give out to me because I speak to all babies and children in the same rational, adult tone I use for conversations with adults. They can't understand why I do that. I can't understand why they speak to babies and children in gibberish!! :-)

I think the benefit of speaking to them as someone on your level is not something to be underestimated. They understand way more than you think they do! The added bonus of never inventing "baby" words is that you never have to then teach them the "grown up" words for all the words you invented. Why double your workload? :-)

wonderful and incredible! may I request updates?

once, when i was starting a new job, a neighbor lent me a book called women don't ask: http://www.amazon.com/Women-Dont-Ask-Negotiation-Strategies/dp/0553383876/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-1441760-8138026?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184510055&sr=8-1.

the point of the book is that women are paid 70% of what men make - not because bosses don't believe in their women employees - but because men simply ASK their bosses for more money, and women do not. the book explores the cost to women of not asking for what they deserve. i highly recommend it!

Wow! That is great. Maybe I'll have a little talk with Liam tonight. It's not the feedings that I mind, it's the hour and a half after that when he just doesn't want to go back to sleep...

When my child was very young, I asked him to help me like you did, and he helped me every time I did!!
It was not very often, just when I was very tired, but he helped me, and he was just a few months old!

Love you all
Carla

you are an, as always, an inspiration.

I love it! Less complaining and more requesting really couldn't hurt...

And hooray for the sleep marathon!

pure magic--this is big and happy news!
who knows what else ben would like to say or do for you? sagey babies are sweet that way.
xo

Holy cow. How your little one inspires people!

thanks for the reminder. I've been getting really bitter lately- why don't I have this or that, and why am I not like this or that. First of all I have to ASK, it's so much easier to complain and gripe to friends. Also, I am only in "control" of certain things. I can control my attitude and choices, and need to step between my heart and head and runaway emotions at times. or lots of times...
thanks again, it's encouraging to watch Ben grow and you and your husband grow as time goes on as well. by the way, looked into Nia classes, upset the closest one to me is over an hour away, sounds like something I'd love!

Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to be reminded of at this moment. Oh and seven months is exactly when I hit the end of my rope with the sleeplessness with my daughter, we had a similar chat a few nights in a row and by the end of the week, with a little tweaking of her schedule we were having 12 hr. nights on a regular basis...now at 17 months she is a champion sleeper who consistently gives me 12 hr. nights, it is wonderful...now if I could just get my butt in bed early enough to utilize all those precious hours! Hope your little guy keeps it up!

OOOHHH I am the first to comment! Love this one, Andrea and couldn't agree with you more! I can't believe he slept for ELEVEN HOURS. That rocks it! Enjoy... Thinking of you always!