November 08, 2007
3 plus 6
cake, Canon Rebel Xti
I turn 36 tomorrow. I am particularly fond of this number because it is divisible by nine, adds up to nine, and my birthday is on the ninth. My affinity for nine began when I turned nine years old, had nine teeth missing and the numbers on my address (252) added up to nine.
One thing hasn't changed since then. Having a birthday can be a bit, let's say, charged...Back then it was about getting the right present (how much do they love me?) did everyone remember? (who really loves me?) and who will come to my party? (do they really really love me?) Usually it worked out alright but it's interesting to notice that somehow my birthday became a big who-loves-me test. If they only knew that magic set was a deal breaker!
In an effort to break through this wounded little bit, I try to remind myself to ask for what I want out of my birthday and not test the loved ones around me. If I want a cake, I am sure to ask someone to bring one (or pick it out myself) If I want a party, I don't wait for others to organize. I do like it when Matt writes the invitation so I always request that.
I can also take this to the extreme.
For Mother's Day this year, I told Matt exactly what I wanted. It was a pretty bracelet from a jeweler in nyc. I dropped little hints throughout the month, hoping he wouldn't forget. A week or so before the big day though, Matt said to me, "Oh yeah... I've got to get you something for Mother's Day." Something clicked in me and I went into survival mode. I ordered the bracelet myself when he went to work. About an hour later I got a call from Matt.
Me: Hello?
Matt: Did you order that bracelet yourself?
Me: (embarrassed) Umm.... yeah?
Matt: I just called to order it for you and they told me that the same bracelet was already going to the same address! I cancelled your order and bought it on my own card. Did you not even trust me to get you your Mother's Day gift?!
Me: I guess not...
Matt: That's so sad.
What I realized was that I wanted to protect myself. I couldn't bear the possibility of him forgetting... and I figured if I bought it myself I wouldn't have to endure any disappointment. (We don't have to go into the psychoanalysis here to know that this is my old stuff creeping up) But I missed out on the delight of receiving and didn't create any space for Matt to give... I took the pleasure out of the gift-giving that year for us both!
This year I am trying to stand in balance between these two forces. Taking care of myself, yes, and also letting people give to me and surprise me.
I did order a beautiful cake today though. And I only felt a little bit funny when I said, "You can write on it, Happy Birthday Andrea."
Posted on November 8, 2007 10:16 PMthis is a touching and tender post, it is so evocative and brought up many of my own feelings of "i have to do it for myslef, buy it for myslef, travel there by myself, ic an't wait around for people to give it to me, gotjhere w me, etc." ii felt this particularly with getting amrried and getitng proposed to, i wish i coudl ahve relaxed more and allowed things to ahppen naturally instead of thru worry that the pace was indicative of "its not gonna happen". i can't explain how much this post brings up in me but i want to thank you for your bravery in postinhg with such authenticity and honesty. you really do touch people's lives and this shwos how clearly we are all connected, going through the smae things. we are all in it together, we are all one, really. happy birthday to you and i am so glad you ahve your son and your husband like you wanted for so long. be happy and well.
Posted by: chrissy at November 14, 2007 09:24 AMthis is a touching and tender post, it is so evocative and brought up many of my own feelings of "i have to do it for myslef, buy it for myslef, travel there by myself, ic an't wait around for people to give it to me, gotjhere w me, etc." ii felt this particularly with getting amrried and getitng proposed to, i wish i coudl ahve relaxed more and allowed things to ahppen naturally instead of thru worry that the pace was indicative of "its not gonna happen". i can't explain how much this post brings up in me but i want to thank you for your bravery in postinhg with such authenticity and honesty. you really do touch people's lives and this shwos how clearly we are all connected, going through the smae things. we are all in it together, we are all one, really. happy birthday to you and i am so glad you ahve your son and your husband like you wanted for so long. be happy and well.
Posted by: chrissy at November 14, 2007 09:24 AMthis is a touching and tender post, it is so evocative and brought up many of my own feelings of "i have to do it for myslef, buy it for myslef, travel there by myself, ic an't wait around for people to give it to me, gotjhere w me, etc." ii felt this particularly with getting amrried and getitng proposed to, i wish i coudl ahve relaxed more and allowed things to ahppen naturally instead of thru worry that the pace was indicative of "its not gonna happen". i can't explain how much this post brings up in me but i want to thank you for your bravery in postinhg with such authenticity and honesty. you really do touch people's lives and this shwos how clearly we are all connected, going through the smae things. we are all in it together, we are all one, really. happy birthday to you and i am so glad you ahve your son and your husband like you wanted for so long. be happy and well.
Posted by: chrissy at November 14, 2007 09:24 AMI found you via Mocha Momma. I loved the way that you figured yourself out. I liked that you had the courage to own your shit and recover. I am hyper about my birthday too so I get that.
Happy Birthday to you---Stevie Wonder Version
Love,
Babz
Wow!
Happy belated birthday!!
Thanks for posting this bit of honesty about yourself. I completely resonate with how difficult it is to receive.
I really appreciated reading this today.
Many thanks!
Pritha
Happy Birthday A!
Posted by: jenn at November 12, 2007 10:31 AMHappy Birthday Andrea!!!!!!!
Posted by: Thea at November 12, 2007 03:23 AMHappy late Birthday! and yes, 36v is a beautiful number!
Posted by: kate at November 11, 2007 10:27 PMSo, a couple of things:
1. Happy Belated Birthday! You're awesome and I know we're all super glad that you're celebrating another year on this planet.
2. I know *exactly* what you mean about birthdays. Mine is 3 days before Christmas, so not only did I have to contend with trying to make it feel special around the holiday, but I had some pretty HORRIFIC major birthdays go down, so that, even today, I consider it the mark of a true friend if they remember it.
I really like that you give yourself room in this post to have your insecurities, but also, to leave yourself open to the surprises your loved ones will bring. I should really rememeber to do that more often. I think, part of the reason I'm not so hot with my money, is I'll buy stuff for my stuff, thinking, "Hmm...no one would ever buy this for me." I don't give people enough credit. I really need to work on that.
3. You rock Lady! Happy Happy Happy! I hope it was a beautiful day and weekend!
Lovins!
Posted by: Jen in Ohio at November 11, 2007 10:22 PMHappy Birthday! I enjoy visiting here so much. I actually emailed a hint link to a superhero necklace to my husband a few weeks ago.
Posted by: littlepurplecow at November 11, 2007 09:10 PMYou are SUPER cute!
Ordering your own gift is not a bad thing.
In fact it would be nice to make it mandatory :)
Then you get two fab gifts, one from your fine self and one from DH.
Happy Birthday Andrea.
Enjoy!
Bek
I have ordered my own gifts before and definitely plan my own parties. Now I share my birthday celebration with my 5 year-old son whose bday is 8 days later, but usually falls over a holiday weekend and I wouldn't trade it for the world. (Also makes the cake making for myself a little less obvious :-)) But it is good to being open to receive and allowing others to give. Also a big 9 year this year with 2007 adding up to 9! Lots of transformation going on all around! Cheers, hope your celebration was lovely and and all you hoped for!
Posted by: Annie Lewis Della Barba at November 11, 2007 11:41 AMHappy Birthday Andrea. I am also 36. Here in South Africa there is a Ketchup (we say tomato sauce) add saying that 36 tomatoes goes into every bottle. The guy in the add has a lisp and says 36thhhh! So Happy 36thhhh!!
Posted by: Alida at November 11, 2007 08:06 AMhappy belated bday andrea, hope you day was magical!
Posted by: Jessica at November 10, 2007 08:17 PMyou know, I ordered and bought myself a cake and gifts this year because nobody else did.. at least for me it made me feel like someone cared, even if that someone was only me.
Posted by: addie at November 10, 2007 07:43 PMFunny. My husband and I had the same discussion about purchasing one's own gift over a SUPERHERO NECKLACE a couple of years ago!
The happiest of birthdays to you ...
Here's to the best year yet!
Posted by: ML at November 10, 2007 03:12 PMHappy! Day! After! Your! Birthday!
Posted by: Dr. S at November 10, 2007 03:09 PMI hope you had a wonderful day! I'm a Nine Girl, too~ born on 9-9, and do you know the total magic of nines? Multiply any number by nine, even some crazy number like 5,847,913 and then add the digits in the answer until you get down to one digit and the answer will ALWAYS be nine! Maybe you already know this, but I couldn't risk having you not know it any longer, just in case. ;) Cheers~ Anna
Posted by: Anna at November 10, 2007 01:04 PMHappy belated Birthday! Though I love all of the pictures that accompany your posts, I really enjoyed this one. Which could just mean that the baby and I are hungry for chocolate cake... While reading this post, I felt that I could really relate to being so worried that someone will forget to do something meaningful for me, that I often rob them of the chance to give me anything by getting what I want for myself. But, then I end up being hurt that I had to buy it for myself anyway. It's a good thing to get away from that, and find the balance between asking for what we need, and knowing when to take charge to have the celebration that we want. Good luck, and I hope your birthday was beautiful!
Happy belated Birthday! Though I love all of the pictures that accompany your posts, I really enjoyed this one. Which could just mean that the baby and I are hungry for chocolate cake... :-D While reading this post, I felt that I could really relate to being so worried that someone will forget to do something meaningful for me, that I often rob them of the chance to give me anything by getting what I want for myself. But, then I end up being hurt that I had to buy it for myself anyway. It's a good thing to get away from that, and find the balance between asking for what we need, and knowing when to take charge to have the celebration that we want. Good luck, and I hope your birthday was beautiful!
Happy late birthday. :)
Posted by: Keri at November 10, 2007 10:29 AMhappy birthday! i think you are great! and i only know the blogging and jewelry you. your necklaces make me feel very special and empowered. best wishes!
Posted by: renée at November 10, 2007 08:43 AMHappy Birthday, Andrea.
Enjoy each day and year of your life.
Hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday full of fun and surprises!
Posted by: carrie at November 10, 2007 07:54 AMHappy Birthday !
Thanks for sharing your story. Relationships and family have helped me discover so much about my self. Also, 36 is a great age (been there) you are still young but old enough to not take that for granted. So have a very fun birthday week.
Posted by: Tom Mohan at November 10, 2007 04:49 AMYou go girl! I hope the cake is delicious! (like you!)
About asking and receiving..and feeling scared of 'not being suprised/excited'...just breath...and enjoy every minute!!! If you dont' like the suprises...just act! And smile! And be yourself!!!!
Happy Birthday!!! Would have loved to be closer to SURPRISE you as well!!!
Love
Linni
xox
happy happy birthday from a fellow scorpio goddess :)
have a miraculous day honey... may it be a celebration of all you are!
only two days to go until my cake day! :)
Posted by: Goddess of Leonie at November 9, 2007 07:20 PMbirthday yummies to you!
celebrating you today...and every day but especially today.
love you and your ways.
xoxo
Happy, Joyous, Birthday to you!!
I loved the Mother's day bracelet story :)
Your candor and honesty is so touching and refreshing.
I used to think of presents as a "love test" too.
"if you REALLY loved me you'd know what I want" etc..etc...
I made myself nuts and took all the joy out of any gifts I did receive.
Nowadays, it's enough if people remember me at my birthday, Christmas, etc...
It took a long time for me to feel this way, but I'm so much more at peace because of it.
Presents are just "stuff."
Now don't get me wrong...I love stuff and bling and flowers...all of it.
But if the giver doesn't think of it on his/her own...for me there's no point.
Enjoy your day, and your cake and whatever good things come your way.
:)
happy, happy, happiest of birthdays, andrea!
Posted by: lindsey at November 9, 2007 06:15 PMHappy Birthday Andrea!Happy Day!
Posted by: shelly at November 9, 2007 06:09 PMHappy Birthday Andrea!Happy Day!
Posted by: shelly at November 9, 2007 06:09 PMhappy happy birthday andrea!
ps. i do the same things described in your post ...you aren't alone :)
xoxox
Posted by: stef at November 9, 2007 05:54 PMoh my goodness...
other people do this too?
the test, ah!
yes!
i know just what you mean.
it took me years
to figure this balance out.
i, too,
go ahead and make my own plans.
then,
everything other bit is a delightful surprise.
9 is also my favorite number,
wait-
how many times have i said "my"
in this post about YOUR bday?
happy birthday andrea,
i am really glad you were born.
you are magic**
love
the mermaid
Another person with weird birthday issues checking in. Each year I try a little harder to embrace my birthday. I found myself not wanting to tell anyone that it was my bday or that my bday was coming up because I didn't want them to feel obligated to do something. Besides, if they really cared, they wouldn't need a reminder, right? Well, that's a great way to set myself up for disappointment for sure (as I can atest).
So embrace your birthday and have a fantastic day! It's a day to celebrate YOU!
Happy Birthday! You're such a grown-up, ordering your own cake and all that! I used to play that same how-much-do-they-love-me game, until a couple years ago when my husband actually forgot my birthday. And it wasn't like I didn't see it coming. He'd been really sick and then my birthday passed with nothing. Of course it hurt that he forgot, but it wasn't intentional, and now I think it was mean that I didn't remind him. I waited about four days and then said, "You know, you forgot my birthday." I think wanting him to feel bad about it was worse than him forgetting! Now I'm all for baking my own cake and asking for exactly what I want! And I've always thought nine was a magic number, even though I can't think of anything in my life it's connected to, except for the nine months of waiting I've managed three times! xo
Posted by: Nina at November 9, 2007 04:50 PMI love that you love the number 9 as much as I do and for similar reasons! I wrote a whole blogpost about my love for the number 9 last month:
http://benbobenopolis.blogspot.com/2007/10/number-9.html
Happy Birthday to you!
Posted by: hannah m at November 9, 2007 04:44 PMHappy Birthday to you Andrea. I do share your sense of challenge around birthdays - and Christmas too although not quite so much. My fear is the who-knows-me-best phenomenon. I used to laugh when I opened outragiously inappropritae (for me) gifts. Then I went through a phase where it made me sad to know that no one was paying attention and/or listening to me. I too will buy myself a gift from me to me.... actually, that is how I received my Superheroe necklace. hmmm. I guess that brings us full cirle = Happy Birthday Andrea:)
Posted by: Patricia at November 9, 2007 04:11 PMHappy Birthday, Andrea! I hope that you have a wonderful, beautiful, fabulous year! And may you have many more happy birthdays to come! Enjoy!
Posted by: La'Saundra at November 9, 2007 03:16 PMHappy Birthday, Andrea!
Ben was born 4 days before my son, Griffin...and I just found out today that we are expectiing another little family member sometime mid-july. I guess that was the universe giving ME your birthday surprise...and boy am I surprised.
Hope you have a great day.
Posted by: Angie at November 9, 2007 02:08 PMHappy Birthday, Andrea!
Ben was born 4 days before my son, Griffin...and I just found out today that we are expectiing another little family member sometime mid-july. I guess that was the universe giving ME your birthday surprise...and boy am I surprised.
Hope you have a great day.
Posted by: Angie at November 9, 2007 02:07 PMHappy Birthday
Posted by: Mareshia at November 9, 2007 01:44 PMLet's hear it for that! Christmas in my family is a mess because of all of these issues, and I think you made me understand them a little more.
Lucky for me, I don't worry so much about Birthdays, because I'm a big self celebrater on my birthday, for good or ill (but it's fun for me!). I think Birthdays are a excellent excuse to act like my four year old self (pretty dress, tappy shoes, yay for me, yummy cake, ballons and excitment, excitedly freindly, and done!)
Have a wonderful happy splendifourous birthday - your first with Ben! Hooray! Yay you! pretty dress and CAKE!
Posted by: Meg at November 9, 2007 01:11 PMHappy birthday Andrea!!
I'm actually from Japan and/but living in Germany and a fan of your blog.
I hope you have a really lovely birthday...!
Posted by: Mie at November 9, 2007 01:07 PMOh my gosh, I can TOTALLY relate. My birthday is definitely a marker for me of how many friends I have and how much they love me.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday and do some nurturing things for yourself and let some other people (cross fingers) hopefully come through and do some nurturing things for you as well!
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: B. at November 9, 2007 12:48 PMWishing a beautiful birthday to a beautiful woman.
You ARE loved!
Posted by: kelsie at November 9, 2007 12:35 PMHappy Birthday, Andrea! I hope your day is filled with lovely surprises and lots of love!
Posted by: carrster at November 9, 2007 12:31 PMHappy Birthday Andrea!
aren't you going to show us the bracelet?!?
pretty please.
Happy birthday, miss Andrea -- x9!
Posted by: penelope at November 9, 2007 11:26 AMHappy happy birthday Andrea! My granny's birthday too.. she would have been 105 today! You got the best ever gift this year, cake notwithstanding, that will be even more delicious for many multitudes and multiples of nines! Much happiness to the Superhero threesome!
Posted by: jin at November 9, 2007 11:06 AMHappy Birthday!
What a lovely and poignant post. That fear/protection/space path is a regular visitor. Thank you for putting your struggle with it out in the open. It makes it seem much more manageable and much less lonely.
But most of all, thank you for helping me remember that getting to give is the best gift of all.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: mari at November 9, 2007 11:01 AMI hope you have the happiest of birthdays, Andrea. You deserve it.
Posted by: Leah at November 9, 2007 10:51 AMWarm birthday wishes to you Andrea! Enjoy this beautiful number.
May you be surprised and celebrated all day, and then some.
Gorgeous, yummy looking cake... xoxo
(I am the same way with numbers)
Posted by: schmoops at November 9, 2007 10:26 AMHappy Birthday.
Asking for what I want is something I've been working on a lot lately. I'm also trying to realize that while I should ask for what I want, there will be times when I don't get what I want and that's OK too.
I always want someone to make me a homemade cake (like my mom used to), but I've realized that's not going to happen with my husband or friends. So this year, I went to a really nice cupcake shop where there is a new batch of cupcakes every few minutes and bought several cupcakes, I got to have the feeling of eating a fresh, homemade cupcake.
Posted by: echo at November 9, 2007 10:11 AMHappy birthday Andrea! You are too cute for words - I love this entry! A big birthday squeeze to you and to your inner-9-year-old.
Posted by: Piper at November 9, 2007 10:02 AMHappy Birthday!!! That last part about ordering your cake with the writing to yourself made me laugh out loud. i love it. my mom made me take a sign down when i was 5 that said something like "only people with presents allowed". little did she know that i was worried that the bully down the street was going to crash my party... and she did! so it's always interesting to trace the root of the self protection. thanks for reminding me and happy happy day friend!
Posted by: Mati McDonough at November 9, 2007 10:01 AMHappy Birthday!!! That last part about ordering your cake with the writing to yourself made me laugh out loud. i love it. my mom made me take a sign down when i was 5 that said something like "only people with presents allowed". little did she know that i was worried that the bully down the street was going to crash my party... and she did! so it's always interesting to trace the root of the self protection. thanks for reminding me and happy happy day friend!
Posted by: Mati McDonough at November 9, 2007 10:01 AMAhhh. You are cute. And Happy Birthday! I hope it is wonderful.
Posted by: Laura at November 9, 2007 09:57 AMMaybe it's the trait of a scorpio, because I can really relate to your story :) My birthday is November 9th as well and I have been doing my best to let go, not have expectations, and just make sure I do something special for myself to celebrate me. If anyone else does something, it's just a bonus :) (I can't say that I've succeeded at this mindset completely though!)
Happy Birthday fellow November 9th-er :)
Posted by: becky at November 9, 2007 09:21 AMI do the same thing. I usually only ask for one or two things for my birthday or Christmas so I think it makes it easy on him and sometimes he still doesn't come through. I've learned to deal with it though because he does do so much for me on a daily basis. One year I didn't order what I wanted myself but i had a friend get it and then he ended up getting it too. He was disappointed I didn't trust him enough to remember what it was I wanted. Thankfully my daughter, now that she's older, is always remembering what I want,so she tells him:)
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: jen paddack-hyde at November 9, 2007 09:19 AMDear Andrea,
I love your honesty and your human-ness. Please don't ever change. You are awesome! I hope you have an amazing birthday :) I tend to make the same mistake you do - I just tend to do things on my own because that way I don't get "let down" or maybe endure a hardship in case something goes wrong.. its tough!
Posted by: Andrea d at November 9, 2007 09:17 AMh a p p y b i r t h d a y !!!
~~~~~
YES to making it the way you want it
Posted by: m at November 9, 2007 08:50 AMhappy birthday andrea! i am so happy you were born! my life wouldn't be the same if you hadn't been!
i love that you ordered the cake for yourself. i was like that this past august for my birthday. i was getting disappointed in how my birthday plans were being made, but then realized that it was okay for me to celebrate being me, and actually take part in getting exactly what i wanted. no one else could have picked out the exact cake i wanted, or gone to the grocery store and bought the specific foods i wanted to indulge myself in that weekend. it was lovely! and it was liberating and freeing to care enough about myself to do those things, instead of letting someone else take care of them (and have control over my emotions).
anyway, sending you piles of love, laughter, and silliness!
~celisa
today's my birthday too! happy birthday :)
i just wanted to say...yesterday i made a late night trip to the store and bought my own cake....just in case. :)
i, too, played the martyr for a long time, and i realized i want cake, dang it. even if i have to buy it or bake it myself.
happy birthday!
Posted by: mindi at November 9, 2007 08:32 AMThe tone I get from your post is that you somehow did something "wrong," but honestly, I think it's great that you were proactive. I have no doubt that your husband is a wonderful man; at the same time, I have to think that perhaps he knows you well enough to know that saying "I have to get you something for Mother's Day" could trigger your need to self-protect. I'm surprised that he was surprised that you had already ordered the bracelet you so wanted. (This is not a criticism, just a view from outside.)
I will also say that obviously I'm seeing your experience through my own filters, and I realize you didn't ask for my opinion. :) I just hate the thought of your tender self feeling bad about doing something nice for yourself, and wish I could give you a hug.
Posted by: Beth at November 9, 2007 07:54 AMHappy Birthday, Andrea! Don't worry, I do the same thing to my husband.
Posted by: andrea_frets at November 9, 2007 07:52 AMI find it very endearing that you made yourself so vulnerable by sharing all that! It made me giggle at the end when you said about putting 'HB Andrea'on the cake.
I can relate to your feelings, very well, and my answer, for what it's worth, is to ask for SOME of what you need and let the rest go whenever you can. It doesn't have to be all or nothing (as you yourself must have decided too, hence the cake-ordering).
I always always enjoy your blog posts.
Happy Birthday from an unknown in the UK! xxxxx
Posted by: Lucia at November 9, 2007 07:52 AMHappy birthday Andrea! I turned 36 yesterday (the 8th), and now I know one more reason I like you so much. Have a wonderful day, fellow Scorpio.
I have much the same weird birthday stuff as you -- so many people seem to, connected to our difficulty to ask for what we really want. Yesterday I took the day off, did all the things I most wanted to even if I thought someone else would find them odd, and bought myself presents, dinner, and my favorite cheese danish. It was perfect. And then my husband got me a gift that I really love. (This doesn't always happen, and I wonder if it happened because I let go of caring what he got.)
Posted by: Arden at November 9, 2007 07:49 AMOh, Andrea! I know exactly what you mean (and was nearly moved to tears). I just read somewhere that the only two things humans ever fight about are "Who's in charge?" and "How much do you love me?" Birthdays so often end up becoming a battleground of sorts, don't they? Ironically, it seems like we only fight ourselves on that battleground.
Posted by: emma at November 9, 2007 07:21 AMHappy Birthday Andrea!
I always want people to figure out what to get me; I like a surprise! But I guess I can't be disappointed if I don't get what I want that way ...
Oh, god, I've done the same gift dance with my husband for years. This year, for our 10th anniversary, I let it go and he gave me a beautiful mother's necklace. So much more meaningful than if I had had my controlling fingers on the wheel. And even if I hadn't loved it (which I do), it still would have been meaningful.
I hope you have a lovely birthday. 36 was a good year for me.
Posted by: Alesia at November 9, 2007 07:12 AMHappy Birthday Andrea!
Posted by: Robyn at November 9, 2007 07:07 AMHappy Birthday, Andrea! I am so happy that you're here.
I have "stuff" with Birthdays, too.
xo
Posted by: Melanie at November 9, 2007 07:06 AMHappy Birthday! First time leaving a comment.I read your blog every day. It's one of my favorites because of your genuine honesty (not to mention the great photos and super cute Ben). Thank you for sharing. Based on the other comments, it seems like most men are the same. Cheers to you for making sure you get what you want!
Posted by: Tatjana at November 9, 2007 07:03 AMHappy birthday, to the coolest superhero around.
It's funny how people treat birthdays. I've always been one to avoid my birthday - not because I'm getting older (which was the thought of many of my co-workers) but because I didn't like the attention of everyone else. "We need to party! It's your birthday!" I'm not a party girl. My idea of fun is kicking back with a movie or baking. SO my friends would get really upset when I wouldn't even mention it or want to go out.
I'm realizing now that it is a bit of a test on my family - do they love me enough to remember? This year several family members and friends forgot my birthday on the day of, but did call or write later. And honestly it wasn't a big deal. As my dad would say, "It's just another day."
But I totatly respect and honor those who want to celebrate and are proactive in it. You're totally right in ordering your own cake. It IS your day and you should have what YOU want.
I hope today is very happy for you. many blessings!
Posted by: ~moe~ at November 9, 2007 06:35 AMI, too, bought my own birthday cake this year, and it was definitely weird asking them to write my name on it. I knew my boyfriend would forget, or that I'd have to tell him every detail of what kind of cake I wanted, so why not just do it myself?
I'm glad you're able to see that it took something away from your husband. They may not get it right ALL the time, but when they do it seems extra special.
Happy birthday!
oh and happy, happy birthday.
Posted by: erinn at November 9, 2007 05:26 AMI'm right there with ya. It's a fine balance. I find that my marriage works much better when I just ask for what I want instead of expecting carl to read my mind and then be disappointed. But on the other hand my control freak nature has to let go and give him the benefit of the doubt that he'll remember and also the leeway for him to make his own choices. Fine balance. Fine, like hair. best,erinn
Posted by: erinn at November 9, 2007 05:24 AMSometimes it isn't good to be such a deep thinker.
Happy Birthday Andrea.
You make my world a nicer place.
Posted by: blackbird at November 9, 2007 05:21 AMmy husband AND my bff forgot my birthday this year:( i don't blame you for looking out for yourself! BUT, we also must believe in our loved ones and understand that they too are human.
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: rak at November 9, 2007 05:18 AMHappy Birthday, dear Andrea! Nine is quite a spiritual number in numerology. I sometimes think that's why we're still 'without marriage license'...I refuse to do it on a day where 9 doesn't factor in. ;) My birthday's a 9th, J's is a 29th (different month than mine, but same astrological sign) and our 'anniversary' is yet another 9th. So this year for you...11-9-2007 is 20/2 in numerology...2 is the number for partnerships. Maybe you oughta just kick back and relax and TRUST that Matt'll do just what you need today. Have a great one! xoxo (What I know about numerology would fit on the head of a pin, so don't mind me.) ;)
Posted by: Marilyn at November 9, 2007 05:17 AMI turned 36 this year too... so far, it's been terrific. Happy Birthday!!!
A couple of months ago I was feeling very crappy at work. I called my husband, fishing for sympathy, but none was forthcoming (he was in a meeting). So I called a florist and ordered a bunch of flowers and had them sent to him. The card read "Take these home to your wife, she's having a bad day." The florist, and my husband, had a bit of a giggle at that.
Posted by: Trish at November 9, 2007 04:55 AMHappy Birthday! Your last line reminded me of this funny cake:
http://www.seriouseats.com/required_eating/2007/10/photo-of-the-day-custom-cake-from-walmart.html
thank you, sweetie for sharing this story.
one of the most beautiful surprises i ever received from by husband was my very first superhero necklace...not only did i end up with a gorgeous piece of jewelry...but it led me here to you...and that has been one of the greatest blessings of my life ;-)
celebrating you...and wishing you a magical year full of whimsical adventures!!!
happy 36 birthday, a!!!
love to you,
k
xo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO YOU!!!!
This might explain why you and Boho were in my dream last night. It does not explain the tons and tons of Vodka and mixers though.
Posted by: Ferngoddess at November 9, 2007 04:28 AMHappy birthday Andrea!
Of all the superheroes turning 36 this week you are my very favorite.
Enjoy the cake, congratulate yourself for learning to ask for what you want and need and have a gentle smile with yourself for how for you have come. There are plenty of years ytet to become perfect, right?
Posted by: Frida at November 9, 2007 04:00 AMYou may not remember the two pairs of Superhero earrings I bought from you last Christmas... but they were, um, my husband's gift to me. I ordered them, I received them, I even hung them on the Christmas tree in their lovey little ribbon-hanging bags. You're not the only one, Andrea... but you're right... we need to seek a balance. Thanks for reminding me :)
Happy 36th Birthday!
Vx
happy birthday, andrea! i don't know you but i love you so very much :-)
Posted by: ejjjik at November 9, 2007 01:50 AMIt's hard when people have let us down in the past. No one wants to be disappointed.
Wishing you a Happy Birthday!!!!
p.s. I can't be 100% sure, but I think I saw one of your necklaces on a woman in the audience of the Martha Show. The one that aired last Friday. She was wearing a green shirt.
Andrea,
OMG this is so cosmic for me because your blog is such support. First a huge Happy Birthday to you!!! Congrats on turning 36 beautiful years young!!!
Secondly, my son turns 1 on Friday, November 9, 2007! He is in such beautiful company. I just finished decorating the house and putting his birthday gift out. (Then I sat down to surf and I clicked on your blog.) His first guitar (his daddy plays guitar-but Sam's plays animals sounds:) and some special books. He woke up because of teething and saw the banner I had hung and he pointed and smiled a toothy/gummy grin. His joy is so pure. He knows he is loved and I know he knows. My wish for his birthday is that he will *always* feel that he is ohhhh sooo valuable and sooo loved endlessly. That is my birthday wish for you too this year and for myself as I will be turning 36 in January.
I could totally relate to what you wrote. I hosted my own 30th party tho my husband sent the invites. I also have missed out on letting others give as they will in the same way you described. Thank you for sharing that. It is a beautiful reminder. Have a beautiful day tomorrow! You made it to 36 and Sam and I made it through Sam's 1st year--my baby is 1! Celebration time! XO -Leia
Happy Birthday, Andrea.
May you know you are loved, no matter what happens today. That post was a gift to me, a mirror held up that I wasn't expecting to look in. Thank you for being brave enough to share it with us.
Posted by: Yolanda at November 8, 2007 11:27 PMIm actually really proud of you for being so proactive- it's so much more admirable than being the martyer- which is what i tend to do on birthdays.
and birthdays seem to take on a new meaning when you have children- by that I mean they suddenly become so low-key that the sentimnet associated with your cup of tea in bed is supposed to last you the remainder of the day.
On birthday a few weeks ago My 2 year old told everyone it was his birthday every where we went- forcing me to explain to complete stragers that it was in fact my birthday, not his- we scored a few free coffees out of that.
Andrea - HAPPY BIRTHDAY- MAY IT BE A DAY OF FULFILLED EXPECTATIONS AND MAGICAL SURPRISES
Thankyou for sharing your magic with us!
Posted by: rachel at November 8, 2007 11:27 PMIm actually really proud of you for being so proactive- it's so much more admirable than being the martyer- which is what i tend to do on birthdays.
and birthdays seem to take on a new meaning when you have children- by that I mean they suddenly become so low-key that the sentimnet associated with your cup of tea in bed is supposed to last you the remainder of the day.
On birthday a few weeks ago My 2 year old told everyone it was his birthday every where we went- forcing me to explain to complete stragers that it was in fact my birthday, not his- we scored a few free coffees out of that.
Andrea - HAPPY BIRTHDAY- MAY IT BE A DAY OF FULFILLED EXPECTATIONS AND MAGICAL SURPRISES
Thankyou for sharing your magic with us!
Posted by: rachel at November 8, 2007 11:27 PMThis is right on the money. I experience the most emotional neediness (and, in turn, self-protectiveness) on my birthday (or, more accurately, the day before!). I just turned 25 two days ago. My husband and I had been traveling all of last month and I discovered on the day before my birthday that he hadn't made the birthday plans I had so thoroughly requested (or so I thought). This turned into a huge emotional drama of my feeling unloved and my husband feeling like a failure. I am realizing that there is some part of me that sees my birthday as my "chance" to express my desire for more extravagant shows of affirmation (that I normally wouldn't even think of), and when things don't go as I planned I feel incredibly let down. This year, we ended up calling a friend who owns a restaurant in town at the last minute and ultimately had a wonderful time, enjoying close friends and good food. I am realizing that, in the end, celebrating with my dearest friends is all the affirmation I really need. I am tired of sabotaging my own birthday by setting up myself for emotional let-downs! I want to get better at being proactive in communicating (or even planning) what it is that I want, while also letting go of the control, the crazy expectations. Thanks for your honesty!
Posted by: K at November 8, 2007 11:26 PM