When I read this post this morning my mouth was agape. I just wrote something similar to this on my site last night.

That is what I love about the web, you truly are never alone. Thank you for writing this. Motherhood may be all encompassing but it doesn't have to swallow you whole!

Thanks for another beautiful post Andrea. So often when you write about your new life as a mum I have an "ah-ha" moment - where I realise that I felt very similar to you at some stage along this new mum road, but I just didn't understand it at the time or express it as eloquently as you do.

Especially the part about starting to feel like you are returning to a new version of home - it kind of looks the same, but in reality it has changed lots. I started feeling like this when my little guy was about 15 months old (he's now 22mths), and it was with plenty of relief and some sadness that I realised I was still "me", just not the "me" I was before. And the "old life" I was longing for was over and that I needed to let go of it and embrace my new life. Not always easy, but some days it is all so clear.

And Andrea, it just keeps getting better!!!! You think you're having fun now - just wait till he starts talking, remembering more things, being more independent, helping you out (now, when I say it's bathtime, my son runs off and gets his pjs and a nappy and dashes into the bathroom - sounds little, but is actually really cool!). Everyday my son does something that stops me in my tracks and makes me glow with pride or laugh with pure joy.

Hugs

Congratulations on the new steps... he's so adorable. :)

Oh my, but Ben is a sweetie!!

My 25 year old son visited us for a week and returned to his home Way Out West on Monday. I was so torn - on the one hand, I was proud as can be that he is such a happy, kind, sensitive, independent and wonderful man. On the other hand, saying goodbye felt just like his first day at school all over again. A part of me said "NO! You can't go. Stay with your mom!!"

All this is to say that it feels like yesterday when he took his first drunken sailor steps. Such is life...

I wore my "Joy" necklace today and, as always, got wonderful comments from people who saw it. Really. Everytime I wear it someone does the "oooh, where did you get that???" thing.

this is a great description of that first year or so of motherhood.

If we could only walk the walk, we might all look like drunken sailors!

Brilliant.

it is so fun to watch them gain new independence like that!!! he does look so proud of himself!

and you, dear andrea, are constantly amazing me with your ability to look at life and its many wonders and challenges with a wise and fresh perspective. we out here following along in internet land are so lucky to have your thoughtful words to remind us. thank you.

Sweet sweet sweet pictures!

I've "seen" you working through the wobbly stages of being a new-ish parent and figuring out what that means in terms of identity...you're doing a great job and as always your honesty is much appreciated. A journey is a good way to put it. And making it home again, yes.

Sometimes, even over six years into parenthood, I feel surprised. I look around and there I'm amazed that I'm here. But usually, it's a grateful surprise - like, "Oh. Hey. That's a pretty cool kid I've got there. He's my son. I'm his mom. Huh." Even the difficult changes come with positive sides too.

The more obvious disorientation left somewhere between pregnancy and age 2 or 3. I would say that upon reflection, I can see that each year, I feel like I have been born all over again. Each year, I am me but maybe a little more authentic. A little more exposed. A little more down to the essentials. I know this is something that can happen if you aren't a parent, but for me, there seems to be a direct connection to being Jacob's mama and my own development. It used to scare me a little, but not anymore.

Imagine my suprise and delight when i opened my daily free newspaper on my way to work this morning, ( i live in London, UK,) and found a picture of Rebar cycling their lovely grass bike and a quote from your husband!

Andrea, i have kept the article and would be happy to send it on if you wanted.

I am an avid reader, i have been for a long time but i don't think i have ever commented before.

I know this is wierd (stalker wierd!) but seeing the article in the paper reminded me of how positive i feel after having read your amazing blog.

Abs x

Oh boy the race is on.....I just love the delight in Ben's face.

That is one cool dude. My absolute favorite time for little ones is once they've learned to walk but look like they could totter over at any time...LOVE those moments.

Andrea, there is always such wisdom and authenticity around you--what a presence you bring to the blogosphere! Ben is bonafide elfin, pure preciousness. But your honesty about the adjustments and the life-journey milestone is beautiful and real and wistful.

Penelope, I have profoundly felt your pain. I am just now out of realistic access to childbearing (45), but I want to tell you how lovely my life has become despite being childless. Sometime around 39 I cracked wide open and in a daze decided to pursue another broken dream--college. I began to exalt in my relative freedom. I redefined the trajectory of my marriage and took a celebratory 2-month sojourn to Europe (impossible had I been a mommy). I love children who aren't my own.

Now my universe has realigned and I feel a sense of peace. You may have a different outcome than I had, but I do hope you can turn any despair back into the flow of being. I wish you well ...

I had to laugh at your drunken sailor comment. Johnny Depp was joking with Letterman that being with his kids was a lot like babysitting a drunk. "They wobble all over the place, they fall, they cry, they will puke, and they get back up again". :)

amen, sister.

Wonderful post, been reading a while, last post plus this one reminded me of a Brain Andreas I have hanging in the hall
"I always wanted to invent something that would move around & make funny noises & would change the world as we know it
& I forgot all about that until we had kids & now I see I came pretty close."

New to your blog. I love it! Your description of your "new" life captures exactly what I continue to struggle with. (I have a 20 month old)I lived in Oakland for 6 years so I enjoy your stories and pictures. Makes me think about "home" and my "old life". Your son is adorable!

Blessings to you and your family.
2008 will be great!
I love all that you share with an open and honest heart.
Your little Prince is adorable ~~!!

ben is out of control cute. and that onesie? ridiculous.

would you mind emailing me sometime and eltting me know a few of the things you miss about your partnership before precious ben arrived so i can appreciate my yet childless marriage . i am feeling desperate and sad and filled with longing to have a baby. we have been trying for years now and i want to jsut be in the presnet moment and appreicate what it is like to jsut be married. what is it that you miss about being married and together without a baby before you ahd a child? it would help me. real fast and off the top of your head, what can i be appreciating now about this kid free state?thank you xoxoxox much love to you.

Oh My gosh, that talking in his sleep totally reminded me of my little guy when he used to pretend he was eating. He would suck on his fingers like he was pulling peanut butter off a spoon and say "nummmmm nummmmm" with alot of smacking. Completely out.
thank you!

I love reading your words...I remember it wasn't until after my first son turned a year that I really felt like I was getting part of my old self back.
Also - your canon elph takes way better pictures than mine. Or maybe it's you. =)

Andrea, This is beautiful! You just helped me to explain to my friends and family who don't have kids yet how I feel. Ben and my son Sam are only a few weeks apart (Samuel Benjamin. 11/9/06)and are very similar in their developments. It's so wonderful to relate to your posts on motherhood in so many ways.
Especially on those days when it seems like nobody understands. Thanks. Ben is adorable! -L

this piece, poetry upon the page...

beautiful in all its thought, emotion, and expression.

yesterday i was talking to my friend, a mama of two, her second now 15 months. i asked what was hard with her first and she said it was the desire to 'get back to her life' the one before the baby. now with her second she said she knows she is a mama first and that has changed her daily life with him (her first is seven now). it was a great conversation to have and i loved hearing about her experience, as i love reading yours. ben is amazing, as always. i cannot wait to see video. smiles.

What a beautiful post! He is so sweet and I hope to look forward to the same very soon.

Could Ben BE any cuter? I think not.

You say it so simplistically yet so profoundly. The baby-year is hard, and I'm so happy you are feeling like you're home again. A fresh coat of paint and a few accessories always jazz up the home front like no other, and you've done just that.

Ben looks SO cute. I can just imagine him tottering around. It's hard to let go of those cute little one-pieces even though it's too small to button up at the crotch. We did the same with our kids' clothes - it's a new fashion statement. ;)

what a beautiful metaphor for what this past year has been for you as a new mom.

i just can't get over how cute ben is.

and that outfit! are you kidding me?

too adorable. all three of you are.

xoxo

I love what you said, "I feel like I am arriving home from a long trip." That is exactly how I have felt lately as I look back over our first year together. I was so out of touch, so wrapped up in me and the changes affecting me but at the same time feeling less myself than ever before. I feel like I am at home now, loving me, and falling completely head over heels for this little man. I love it!

you are so refreshing and you help to remind me to just relish in all the new-ness and the way life is now. thank you dear friend.

ben is so darn adorable, how could you not fall head over heals in love with him on a daily basis!

xo

Yes, yes, and YES! I couldn't agree more - like I have said before - I have always felt this kindred connection to you - Ben is just a week older than my little guy, Griffin. My son started walking just before 11 months - and the step we are at now is CLIMBING THE FURNITURE!!! Look out and put those running shoes on!

Yes, yes, and YES! I couldn't agree more - like I have said before - I have always felt this kindred connection to you - Ben is just a week older than my little guy, Griffin. My son started walking just before 11 months - and the step we are at now is CLIMBING THE FURNITURE!!! Look out and put those running shoes on!

very proud of you and very happy for you.
what wonderful revelations you are experiencing.
thanks for sharing and congrats on the walking!