oh andrea - that is so scary. my son has had several febrile seizures. they are so awful and make the poor mama feel so helpless. i am hoping little ben is feeling better very soon. take care of yourself.

oh Andrea, i have tears in my eyes. would that all children were as cherished as Ben. I hope he's on the mend and toddling again
love your blog
marilee

oh Andrea, i have tears in my eyes. would that all children were as cherished as Ben. I hope he's on the mend and toddling again
love your blog
marilee

Again you make me happy cry andrea. xoxo!

Your family is in my pryers.
Keep invisioning your baby boy well and with tons of energy and smiles. I will as well.

Always a pleasure to read your blog,

Take care superhero you.

Samantha

Your family is in my pryers.
Keep invisioning your baby boy well and with tons of energy and smiles. I will as well.

Always a pleasure to read your blog,

Take care superhero you.

Samantha

Your family is in my pryers.
Keep invisioning your baby boy well and with tons of energy and smiles. I will as well.

Always a pleasure to read your blog,

Take care superhero you.

Samantha

Your family is in my pryers.
Keep invisioning your baby boy well and with tons of energy and smiles. I will as well.

Always a pleasure to read your blog,

Take care superhero you.

Samantha

'It occurs to me as I write this that I am one of many moms praying right now, a powerful chorus of us, all praying for healing to come. It must be quite a thing to behold, to hear such a sound, in the place where prayers are heard.'

Those are such beautiful, heartfelt words. I hope your prayers are answered by a cool wind and chilled Ben.

how are you guys doing today?
xo

Dear Andrea,

Last night our 2-year-old son threw up 6 times, and it truly is SO hard as a mama to see our little ones suffer. He sat on our couch with his pale little face and said, "I'm sick, Mama. Mama, I'm sick." I was so thankful for mama friends to call who I could trust for support and advice, and I'm blessed to be a part of your blog community to share in our mama ups and downs. I will add my voice to the chorus of prayers for our sons and daughters and will be sure to mention Ben by name.

Darling picture! He gets more handsome all the time. So sorry to hear he is not feeling well. I hope his fever breaks soon! We have been hearing all of the exciting news. It sounds like things are going great and you all are busy. Lots of love to you all!

If this makes any sense Andrea...I have missed reading this sort of writing from you. You have such a gift. You are such a good mama.

Poor you and poor Ben. Scary mom moments like that are not cool! My nephew has seizures when he has a fever. I guess some kids are like that...... I hope he's back to regular temps soon.

loving you, ben and your oh-so-amazing heartfelt words...the best of healing love to ben, me

dear Ben,

you are so blessed to have such a beautiful mommy who loves you so and takes such good care of you. i am a mommy too, and my little emma is just a wee bit older than you, but all 'mommy prayers' are the strongest and loudest of them all...even when they are but a whisper of prayer...and even in the darkest of the darkest of all nights...(which is, i presume) when most of the neediest of 'mommy prayers' go up :) i hope you are feeling better soon little guy :)

much love,
'emma's mommy :)

Awww... you seem like such a GREAT mom!!!! :-)

Poor Ben... feel better soon!

Having a sick child is probably the most helpless feeling in the world. There is never enough you can do and, unfortunately, you can't take on that burden for them - no matter how much you wish to.

Just remember that he knows you're there for him, and he will feel better. Take care, Andrea.

oh, my...sending you warm aloha and thoughts of wellness to you and little Ben.

I am saying prayers for little Ben.

I gave my mom the same kind of scare when I was a wee one. When she tells the story of my convulsions, I can hear the panic that she must have felt and I am glad that she had good neighbors to lean on. (My dad was out of the country at the time! And she had my two older brothers to care for.)

Man, just after writing that, I want to give every mother a big hug and say a million prayers for them all. xoxo

I just want to add my prayer to all the others here that your beautiful son is well on his way to feeling healthy again. The three of you have been on such a journey together. Hope you are all getting lots of rest tonight!

Wow.
timely.
I m putting my twelve year old daughter to bed with a prayer and a temperature rising.
It doesn't get easier, they just are able to tell you WHERE it hurts.

Tomorrow will be brighter. yep!
He is beautiful all toddley!

you are ok.

:)

Oh. God. Crying now. Not out of sadness, you just wrote so well I felt the fear. How beautiful an image to think of all the mother's prayers as a chorus.

Blessings to you, Matt, and Beautiful Ben.

praying for you, praying with you and all those other mamas, praying that my little ones are feeling better soon though they were not in the scary hot place ben was. such a good mama, such a wonderful way you have of letting us know what is going on with you. i love the image of ben gobbling roasted chicken, no stopping him now.

Sending thoughts of health and strength your way. So scary...

OH baby ben and poor mama~ I hope today brings you cool breezes all day to tame the "heat" that has been invading your body.....From one mom to another I feel your fear, pain and worry....today I hope they are all washed away and know that I am one of those moms sending out prayers to you and yours to that place "where prayers are heard"
xxo to you and your family

Kathleen

oh sweet, beautiful ben...speedy recovery. you are mighty loved.

Oh my dear sweet Andrea, Mama to Ben, I am praying for Ben(and you and Matt)! I know I would have gone into panic mode, called 911 and felt my heart drop. These little precious beings are so tough and delicate at the same time. It can be so scary to be first time parents sometimes. I am sending him healing prayers and Angels of healing. -L

Andrea,
I hope Ben gets better soon. Your talent is so great that even when you are going through a hard time you still transform your emotions into pure beauty, inspiring and touching for your readers. Thank you for sharing yourself and your tears. ..I think I need a tissue.

On Saturday, my six-month-old niece also passed out for a few heart-crushing seconds, so I know the panic you must have felt.

Thinking of you and Ben (and Matt too) and wishing you all well.

no words, only feelings. can you feel them, andrea?
xoxox

This post made me teary.
Just home from the doctor and having fertility issues. I came home to read this and I could feel the love and connection you have with Ben. I am such a huge fan of yours. You inspire me to be myself and to keep on creating my art and to live fully and brightly. I know you went through fertility issues although I haven't read your past posts to know what you went through. I am newly married ( 4 months ) and newly on the path of starting a family. I may hunt through your past posts to learn more. I would love to connect with you. I may just sign up for your Squam workshop!
Love and more love and hope Ben feels better soon.
xoxoxox

Thank you so much for sharing this ! My heart is open super wide after reading your letter to Ben--tears falling with admiration and joy at the beauty of the imagery of "the place where prayers are heard"

Thank you so much for sharing this ! My heart is open super wide after reading your letter to Ben--tears falling with admiration and joy at the beauty of the imagery of "the place where prayers are heard"

Thank you so much for sharing this ! My heart is open super wide after reading your letter to Ben--tears falling with admiration and joy at the beauty of the imagery of "the place where prayers are heard"

I was especially moved by your line, "I am one of many moms praying right now, a powerful chorus of us, all praying for healing to come. It must be quite a thing to behold, to hear such a sound, in the place where prayers are heard."
You write so eloquently and really capture the heart of motherhood.
I just wanted to encourage you that my middle son, now fourteen had a febrile seizure when he was one and he never had another one. Once was enough.

Hi Andrea, I've been reading your blog for years but never posted. I'm not a parent, not even married, but I can appreciate this post. It's beautiful and makes me think of my mom. Thanks for this extremely personal sharing. Looking forward to seeing Ben bounce back!

Wow--so sorry for Ben and you. I'm impressed that you have the strength to post about it! Talk about stressful! I hope you're both feeling better today. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post. I love the part about Ben waving his arms to signal his favorite cd. I remember that too in my daughter and it's just the sweetest thing.

yes, mama. you write so truthfully.
praying for Ben (and you)..

My parents still remember to this day (and I'm 40, mind you) the time when I had a 105 degree temperature and the doctors had to put me 'on ice'....And now that I'm watching my brothers go through things for the first time with their young children, I'm reminded all over again how scary and worrisome it all is. You know, watching babies throw up like crazy while they're away from home or having to drive them around in the car to get them to calm down enough to take their afternoon naps.....One of my brothers is dealing with a catastrophic food allergy thing with one of his girls. It's hard trying to figure things out, especially with a little guy that can't tell you what's up. Even though I'm not a parent myself, I definitely feel for you all

When i hear of mommies praying...being scared...I always think of this song...here it is for you...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvOM38nvbI0 . May you always feel them around you xx

When i hear of mommies praying...being scared...I always think of this song...here it is for you...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvOM38nvbI0 . May you always feel them around you xx

So sorry to hear about Ben and what you and Matt went through; hope he's feeling better this morning! I remember when Kadison had her first real fever and how she just laid in my arms for hours not moving...very scary and sad. Moms and praying ...that's something I don't think every weans...

much love to you all ~ hope to see you soon!

xo

a beautiful post. Hope your little guy is feeling better. Mine is also very sick with fever and hasn't slept well (during naptime) for almost 2 weeks, too. May he get well soon.

I'm so sorry things feel scary right now. My heart goes out to you guys :-( I have never been through a febrile seizure with Jacob, but when he has a fever and is lethargic it always, always scares me. I go on hyper alert.

Your post is just beautiful and I am amazed by your ability to write it in the middle of such scariness, although it makes perfect sense to write these words at this moment.

Sending thoughts of lots and lots of angels your way (and Ben's way, of course).

Jennifer

That would scare me sooo much! I hope he's fever broke and you all are able to relax a bit. Ben is so cute!!! I don't think I can say that enough.

Hi Andrea,
I have been reading your blog for several months now but have never commented until now. My daughter also experienced febrile seizures as a toddler and they were the most frightening experience, especially the first one. Even though we were told that they would not hurt her, I would go completely weak in the knees every time it happened, 6 times from the age of 14 mos to 2 years. She is 20 and in college now but reading about your experience brought it all back like it was yesterday. Take care and know that your beautiful little boy will be just fine!

Hi Andrea,
I have been reading your blog for several months now but have never commented until now. My daughter also experienced febrile seizures as a toddler and they were the most frightening experience, especially the first one. Even though we were told that they would not hurt her, I would go completely weak in the knees every time it happened, 6 times from the age of 14 mos to 2 years. She is 20 and in college now but reading about your experience brought it all back like it was yesterday. Take care and know that your beautiful little boy will be just fine!

Hi Andrea,
I have been reading your blog for several months now but have never commented until now. My daughter also experienced febrile seizures as a toddler and they were the most frightening experience, especially the first one. Even though we were told that they would not hurt her, I would go completely weak in the knees every time it happened, 6 times from the age of 14 mos to 2 years. She is 20 and in college now but reading about your experience brought it all back like it was yesterday. Take care and know that your beautiful little boy will be just fine!

I am *melting* with the sweetness of his hotness and this beautiful glimpse-- but OH, how terrifying to have your baby (okay, toddler) be so sick. Terrifying.

Oh, this happened to my daughter when she was about Ben's age. It scared me so much, (the seizure). I'd never heard of them and my husband and I thought she was dying.

I've tried to write about that experience but it truly still (9 years later) makes me cry. Not because a febrile seizure is so bad, it's not at all, but because it was the first and only time in my life as a parent that I faced what seemed at the time to be certain reality my child was going to be taken from me.

I hope he's better soon! I know he will be.

I'm sorry you experienced that…how very scary. I've oftened think about that plane too…that prayer plane where all the worries of parents go, how it must hum along into infinity. I pray that Ben gets well soon and that the fever breaks and doesn't return.

We'll say a little prayer for a cooler baby...

fevers scare the beejezus out of me, like nothing else.

i am one walking raw vulnerability now that i'm a mama and even though my girl is almost seven now, i still feel this.

prayers that little ben's fever breaks today and that your bebe is back to himself really soon.

i loved the image of you feeding your boy chicken - i so remember those days.

I have sent up those nighttime prayers myself. It must be so scary for you to have him so hot and to have those seizures. I hope he is cooling down and getting back to the work of walking and talking.

God Bless, you. We experienced similar situations with my son after his first two sets of shots. Nothing in the world can compare to the pure cold fear that runs through a momma's veins when she sees her babe in that sort of state. It is like an out of body experience for me that seemed to last hours, only it really was a minute or two. Another person took over my body and we went into "survival mode." It was not until after we were home from the ER, our babe tucked into bed, that I was able to exhale and reflect on what just ocurred.

Oh Andrea, you poor thing - there is no deeper exhaustion than what you feel now, is there? Been there, and it is so draining - that tight grip around your heart.

I laughed too though at your post - we have used sign language with Declan (he will be 2 in a couple of weeks - can you believe it!) and it was so good - especially for him to be able to communicate with us and try to reduce his frustration. And he was so cute about "hot, hot, hot" too - anything that looked even remotely like our heater would illicit a quick intake of breath and a "hot, hot, hot".

Thinking of you all - hope you all got some rest and are feeling better.

OH SWEET BEAUTIFUL BEN!!
(((( HEALING HUGS))) and soft desert breezes to cool you down
gentle hugs to you amazing andrea-
while i usually have words of calm wisdom as a grandma now- i would have flipped out over the fever seizure. ]May tomorrow bring a healthy Ben
xo

oh!

i feel so happy reading this. because life is amazing. and gives us fear and deep joy and love. and i am so happy for you.

oh!

i feel so happy reading this. because life is amazing. and gives us fear and deep joy and love. and i am so happy for you.

Oh Andrea, I have been at that place, praying for the limp, feverish little baby whimpering in my arms. I cannot imagine the fear of a febrile seizure. I'll say a little prayer for you tonight, because sometimes being the mama just takes everything out of you.

Dearest Andrea, I think that you need some rest as well.
Glad Ben is now sleeping and ok.
It must have been so scary for you.
As scary as fevers are, I learned with my daughter that really in some ways they a good sign that the body is working properly and gearing up to fight off those viruses and germs.
My prayer is that your sweet boy gets all better soon.

It is so sucky and scary when The Precious are sick - my own son had a surgery when he was only nine weeks old, so I can imagine how frightened and worried you've been.

Sending "feel better!" wishes to darling little Ben, and to his wonderful mama and dada, too!

How scary for a mom!

Hope little Ben is feeling better soon.

And I know what you mean about that chorus of prayers...I can't tell you how many nights I would lie awake with a little sick child in my bed, just staring at him or her to make sure the next breath came, which each breath sending out a prayer of thanks and a simultaneous prayer for the next one to follow on its footsteps.

So precious. I'm with you on the prayers...now as we're establishing more of a routine with our own boy, and I rock him to sleep, I find myself praying over him, for so many things - and I know I'm not alone. We're all praying for those crazy angels to keep us safe in the dark...

So glad your little hot hot hot dude is okay. The seizures must have been terribly scary. And hooray for chicken! Those rotisserie chickens are yummy, no two ways about it...

oh dear, it sounds like ben is out of the woods but i can't even imagine. and i would love to see that interpretive dance. :)

So lovely...
I just wanted to share with you about febrile seizures. My daughter had one or two a year from 12 months to about five years old. I was so scared, everytime-even when I knew they were not dangerous. I understand how you felt, they were the scariest moments of my young motherhood. Once she turned five, they were over. She will be 18 this summer, but everytime she gets a fever I remember that first seizure. All will be well. Blessings on your beautiful boy.

I hope little ben is doing ok. And I hope you are doing well yourself. This post made my eyes tear up.

oh andrea, this is so dear! what a beautiful piece. i hope little ben cools down as he sleeps... sending him some soothing. what an inspiring mama you are (and i dont even have kids!