If you play it real safe,you never get any treats.

-Bjork

If you play it real safe,you never get any treats.

-Bjork

i just have to say that you challenge me. every once in a while, i read a post of yours that hits a nerve and then i am forced by the universe to step outside of my fears, step outside of my really tiny comfort zone, and do something that scares the bejeezus out of me.
thank you thank you.

i play it safe in everything. but after i read this, i forced myself to take a risk. i'll let you know how it goes.

like so many of these commenters, i, too, keep coming back to re-read this post. this has really made me think about where i do play it safe and where can i allow myself a little tumble or two.... sigh.
xoxo

i keep coming back to these photos of Ben running towards you. it makes me giggle because of his cuteness and i can just hear his and your laughter.

this post was beautiful and has made me think...a lot. there are many places in my life where i take more risks and many where i play it safe. one of your many, many gifts is that you ask such good questions to help one dig deeper.

i love you.
a lot.
xo

It's weird, I've stumbled on some sort of blogging synergy of late... but I posted on something similar.

i too am loving that comparison of a kid's falls and an adult's failures...really well said. i'm locking that one away!

I teach ten-year-olds, and it has taught me a lot about the value of risk.

My principal tells all of us teachers and parents "The number one thing we can teach our children is resiliency" and it is so true. It's not superhuman intelligence or strength that lets us thrive, it's the ability to bounce back from all of life's pitfalls.

I have a little girl Ben's age (almost exactly), and it have to consciously remind myself of this philosophy with her. There are so many times when I would love to rush to her side and scoop her up into my arms, but I hold back. "You can do it!" I tell her over and over--it's a mantra in our house. "You can do it!" And she can. Her knees are bruised, but her spirit is strong. And every time she conquers an obstacle that wide smile spreads across her face, and my spirit gets a little stronger too.

Wow it's like a little droplet of wisdom from the universe :)
I am learning to take a little risk or two with my heart - to be mindful of the demons but not let them be the only/main voice in my head.
I am tryign to learn to trust myself to handle whatever happens.
I am scared. But I know I need to go out on a limb (that is where the fruit is).

i keep coming back to this post and re-reading and re-reading it...
it speaks so much to where i'm at.
i thank you for writing it all out so eloquently...for bringing it gently into focus...you've given me much to think about.
xoxoxo

Great post. Thanks..

I love your connection to the adult equivalent of not falling. Personally, I'm doing a lot of falling right now and loving every minute of it, though I'd be happy to have someone come along and say, "Okay, you've taken enough spills. You've earned the right to remain upright on this next career path."

(and yeah, maybe I could reach out to the hottie more often...)

Your post so reminds me of a scene from the movie "Ray". Young Ray Charles lost eyesight at the age of six. As he is adjusting to the situation, he walks into his house, falls over a chair and cries out for his mom. The mother´s initial reaction is to run for help. Seeing though he is not severely hurt she resists and observes. She knows she cannot create an eternal safe haven for the boy, he needs to be learning from falling. And as noone comes to give him directions, Ray begins to orientate himself using his ears. He succeeds and can now find pride in having managed alone. The scene is on youtube (of course :)) if you like. http://youtube.com/watch?v=O60vZp4ENKA

I am half way through my first pregnancy(my little pimento) and many questions fill my mind plaguing my view of the future. What I want to do with my life and what I can do with my life (pre baby) feels like it is becoming something I only though about in my early twenties. I am afraid that the birth of my baby will whisk all the dreams and hope (for myself) out the window and I will become one of those crazy moms who lives vicariously through my children. I don’t want to be that lady that drives through a crowed of people on a soccer field because my kid didn’t win. OMG I just want balance. Never mind it is probably just the hormones talking.

PS Siesta Key is one of the best beaches… I love that one.

This post made me cry. It reminded me so well of when my son (now 8) was first walking and I hovered over him. He ignored me and went bowling forward and on. You wouldn't believe the bumps he sometimes got. My hovering didn't work. I think that was the hardest part for me really, and still is. Knowing that they will get hurt sometimes. And trusting that they are okay even so. Thanks for sharing your life stories so clearly. I love your writing.

With my first child, I hovered. A lot. As he survived toddlerhood, I got more confident in my skills, not sure if he did though. Self-esteem is built when we do hard things on our own: fall/fail, practice, succeed! Boy # 2 is a jumping, bounding, falling, bruised-up dare devil, and I know it's okay.

The older I get, the more confident I am that who I am is fine. I worry less about what others think and just let me be me, and let them be them, too. Sorry to the neurosis I may have passed on to boy #1, but thanks for the lessons I learned.

Also, thanks to you for this lovely, thought provoking post.

Ok, This one kills me. Just the other day my mother was telling me that I need to let my 7 (almost 8) year old to venture a little bit further on her bike alone. Just as we all did as kids. And I did. Then I come into work on Monday and got my email. Hello sexual predator alert in our coveted home town. Not at all a small town, Carlsbad, CA but very informed. Now what to do? Still encourage the girl to expand her independence? Or hold back? So many choices for parents! Sometimes I just wish that my child was born back in a time that we were living so free.

Father's Song
by Gregory Orr

Yesterday, against admonishment,
my daughter balanced on the couch back,
fell and cut her mouth.

Because I saw it happen I knew
she was not hurt, and yet
a child's blood so red
it stops a father's heart.

My daughter cried her tears;
I held some ice
against her lip.
That was the end of it.

Round and round: bow and kiss.
I try to teach her caution;
she tried to teach me risk.

This strikes such a chord for me. Fear of falling, failing, looking silly, rejection. I speak up at home just fine but I need to work on it everywhere else in my life.

I have my moments (i.e. snorkeling in Maui even though I was *gasp* in a bathing suit *gasp* in public)! I just wish I had more courageous moments.

I really, REALLY needed to hear this today, THIS morning as fears and anxieties roll around my ankles . . . I believe in risk-taking, you know, in theory . . but when I leap and am midstream in it, boy howdy--- up pop the dragon heads around every turn . . this post reminds me of why I do push it, why I don't stay safe why I say 'yes' to life instead of 'no'-- right now, it feels utterly nerve-wracking, but if I can allay the fears and keep swimming, I know it's gonna feel so good when I reach the other side.

this is totally unrelated, but did you see the annie leibovitz show at the legion of honor?! so amazing!

Such wonderful questions...I am going to write about them tonight in my journal. As always, you give me lovely things to ponder.

I LOVE this post. Thank you for talking about hovering, risk taking, fear, and living joyously. I have fear about what to post on my blog, how I want to be perceived. Do I want "them" to know "that" about me? I let it go and then take it back. I want it personal, and I want it professional. Can I have and be both things at the same time? Who made up these rules in my head? Why does it matter?
I am still in the newlywed phase and talking about really having a baby. Your blog really helps me see all sides of it. Not just the fantasy, but the real life process of letting go, helping, loving, accepting, growing, believing, receiving, giving, etc etc etc.

wow. you have just put to words so eloquently what i have been struggling to say. not only am i the quintessential 'helicopter mom' (as i hover so much over them, that i annoy even myself) but i am tending to keeping 'my life' small for right now. i think it is for the sake of my own limited energy....i keep saying 'it is only a season'...one day i will be able to nurture these dreams....

ahh. yes. one day.

Wow! you must have read my mind. I was just beating myself up over my tendancy to hover over my precious only child. ( I come from a long line of over-protective hoverers too)
My daughter just turned 10 which I bet sounds like she's practically an adult...but she has no fear of anything or anyone, and despite my cautioning her and teaching her to make good choices....She's the kid who will talk to strangers, and go off exploring alone, etc...
This drives me nuts!!
Nowadays with the universe getting smaller and more crowded, I worry about her out in the world.
Imagine my anxiety over an up-coming class field trip to an amusement park!!!
I have to decide, and soon, to allow her to go with her classmates or not.
I ask myself, "Will she talk to everyone she sees?" Will there be enough adult supervision?" Will the supervision be to the level it needs to be to keep her safe?"
It's really hard sometimes to know when to hold on tight and when to let go a little.
After 10 years of being a mom, I haven't got it down yet.
My mom says after over 40 years of being my mom she hasn't totally got it down yet either.
I guess they'll always be our babies, whom we want to nuture and protect. Hopefully we'll never get over it completely.
To put it simply..."It's a mom thing."

my 10.5 month old twins decided last month that walking was in their agenda. guess i should have been ready for that, the big one started standing at 7 months. i have seen so many spills, bruises and actually blood that i think i am getting immune. but it has brought up in my mind the question of how will i keep up with this, their new needs and it scares me. i am not a hoverer by natural, rather i wish i 'caught' them more often. but it is one more of those things, letting go of the fear that i am not the best parent and accepting that i have these two for a reason. i was chosen for them, by them, and i hope i can learn to fly right along withe them. your posts are always so great at provoking thought. thanks, andrea.

A girlfriend of mine once told me a story about her young toddler niece. The parents wanted to make sure the little one was okay with falling down as she began to walk and wouldn't get upset each time. Whenever she tumbled onto her bum they would cheer, and the little one began to throw her arms up in the air and exult in the cheers whenever she fell. My friend said she hoped her niece would remember this when she was older--to celebrate her mistakes as much as her successes. Isn't it true that the times when we fall/fail are often the times we learn the most?

But oy, I hear you on wanting to protect the little one! I'd have a hard time not snatching him back into safety.

this is an awesome post and totally where my mind has been these days. i'm out of that mind-wrecking stage of parenting where you jump every five seconds for fear that they will kill themselves, but i haven't managed to escape fear of failing (i.e. falling) for myself. lots of good stuff to think about here. xo

I desperately want to take risks, and yet, I convince myself sometimes that the thing that I want that is risky, well, it's not safe, it's not really worth having, I don't need it, you know how that goes. Many times it keeps me from doing things that I suspect I would really love to do. I'm trying to work on that.

This is silly, but yesterday a friend of mine (twelve years younger, in her late twenties) wanted to play lasertag for her birthday, so I said, what the heck, I've never done that before. I had a last-minute anxiety about it, it would be too rough, I would hurt myself, and, worse of all, I would stink at it, the men would make fun of me or look down on me, and my team would be really disappointed with me. I started involuntarily thinking up excuses why I wouldn't be able to play, just watch -- hurt shoulder, headache, etc. But, I resisted that impulse and my heart was pounding when I put on the gear among the other members of our group.

Well, it rocked. I realized about two minutes in that it was incredible fun. And, my team won three out of four games, with me being the high scorer with the best accuracy out of everyone in the game. Boy, I was sheepish with myself afterwards. And so pleased with myself, too. It was two solid hours of great fun and I want to do it again, soon! Now I need to apply that lesson to other, more serious things in my life, too.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am a hoverer too. I have the hardest time letting Jace (my soon to be 1 year old) run away and be indepedent, as he so wants to.

Balance is such a hard thing. I find myself holding back with those around me so that I don't share too much for a fear of failure. I mean what would they think of me if they knew the whole truth? Not that any of it is bad or surprizing. But after a time in my life where I wore my heart on my selve and had it thrown back at me its hard to adjust. But thats life I suppose and the more we try the better it gets...not easier I suppose, but it does get better. And our minds are open to even more daring and exciting challenges.

Kids needs to get bumps and bruises!

I have definitely been afraid to share my art. And when I do work up the nerve to share it, I find that I am desperate for praise. Does that ever go away?

I'm learning this, too!
http://meantimeblog.blogspot.com/2008/03/learning-to-ride.html

I just wrote about it.

I am right there with you honey, right there with you....now I need to go and figure out where I need to fall!

xo