Thank you for this post. It captures and helps me put definition to a change I've been moving through or leaning into this fall. Beloved man and I have been seeing each other for six yrs off/on; me wanting to settle down & marry, he not ready. We broke up twice over this, but keep finding our way back to each other. When it happened the third time, I decided to surrender to it and see what happened. No, he hasn't decided to settle down, but we have moved to a new level of intimacy and trust with each other, and I am becoming gradually aware that we are going to be intimately connected for a long time to come. Marriage may someday put the seal to it, but I am losing my fear that I can't keep him. I am choosing to trust the fact that he keeps coming back, and let go of marriage as a "negotiable" -- for now, anyway! :-)

Your words are beautiful...and i'm think yes! and yes! Absolutely! Perfect! That is so true...and i want to add something...

I thought I was letting go of all these feelings of how and when and how many babies we will have...I was telling a friend about a year ago how I was in a good space...I made 'peace' with our circumstances...life is good and it is worth celebrating life, even without children...she asked me one question: 'have you embraced it? Have you embraced the pain, the fear, the shame, the questions, the loss?'

It shook me to my core...cause I was still holding on...This past year I literally visualised embracing all the different feelings I had about infertility...and only after embracing them...I could let go of them...each and every one...(i think - heehee)

What can i let go of today? right now at this minute...I want to embrace 'uncertainty'.

Thank you Andrea, again, for touching my heart! I always think that no one who did not go through it, will truly understand. And you do. xx

Just what I needed and exactly when I needed it...thank you for sharing.

Just what I needed and exactly when I needed it...thank you for sharing.

LOVE this, Andrea. I selected "surrender" as my word to live by back in March and I've been doing a pretty good job, I think. ;)

http://delicatecreatureblog.blogspot.com/2008/03/saturdays-earth-hour-reminded-me-to.html

I need to let go of him.

Oh I so needed to hear these words as we're trying to 'patiently' await the birth of our first baby any day now! She's been inside of me for nine months so what's a couple more days right? Even if my body is uncomfortable and I'm anxious to meet her.

I needed to hear this ... I read this post over and over. Going through some tough stuff right now, which I know I will get through, but just need to remember to surrender to the moment and be ...

This is just what I needed today. I know I'm hanging onto something. I'm not quite sure what just yet. I know I want a creative exciting career and it seems it's just not going to come to fruition. Also, I'm worried about money and this is why I'm afraid I can't cut it as a photographer or some kind of artist.

Andrea...I keep going back to this and reading it over and over. It is so healing...so calming...

And Steph, you are not alone my dear...

Love
Michelle

Andrea,
I tried to read this post three times and kept resisting, not wanting to deal with the feelings that came up as I read. But I'm glad I finally did.

Three years after the end of my marriage there seems to be a part of me that still clings to my original vision of what life was to be, but by doing that, I am missing out on the beauty and possibility that are here and now. Thank you for helping bring this to light.

Thank you, Andrea. For me, it is the waiting for my partner on this earth. I am a strong and happy and independent woman, but long for an even stronger and lovely man to share the journey with. Your post helps me know I am not alone, and that it is o.k. (good, even) to want this. I can surrender the how and when, though, and I appreciate very much your encouraging reminder.

Hi Andrea, I have absolutely loved reading your post over the years and have struggled with infertility myself. Reading your posts and seeing your photos of Ben has always made my faith that much stronger. After two years of agonizing whether I am eating the right food or debating whether I am too fat or too thin to fall pregnant I have decided to go the IVF route.

It never ceases to amaze me how the mind and body can do things you never thought possible, in my case it was the thought of injecting myself everyday. We set boundaries for ourselves without second guessing them, but when life does not go as planned and you need to re-evaluate your situation its amazing how these boundaries can be shifted and you suddenly find the thing that you feared the most is not so bad after all.

I thank you for your wonderful input and how you brighten up my day

Regards
Louise

Posted all the way from South Africa ☺

Hi Andrea, I have absolutely loved reading your post over the years and have struggled with infertility myself. Reading your posts and seeing your photos of Ben has always made my faith that much stronger. After two years of agonizing whether I am eating the right food or debating whether I am too fat or too thin to fall pregnant I have decided to go the IVF route.

It never ceases to amaze me how the mind and body can do things you never thought possible, in my case it was the thought of injecting myself everyday. We set boundaries for ourselves without second guessing them, but when life does not go as planned and you need to re-evaluate your situation its amazing how these boundaries can be shifted and you suddenly find the thing that you feared the most is not so bad after all.

I thank you for your wonderful input and how you brighten up my day

Regards
Louise

Posted all the way from South Africa ☺

Hi Andrea, I have absolutely loved reading your post over the years and have struggled with infertility myself. Reading your posts and seeing your photos of Ben has always made my faith that much stronger. After two years of agonizing whether I am eating the right food or debating whether I am too fat or too thin to fall pregnant I have decided to go the IVF route.

It never ceases to amaze me how the mind and body can do things you never thought possible, in my case it was the thought of injecting myself everyday. We set boundaries for ourselves without second guessing them, but when life does not go as planned and you need to re-evaluate your situation its amazing how these boundaries can be shifted and you suddenly find the thing that you feared the most is not so bad after all.

I thank you for your wonderful input and how you brighten up my day

Regards
Louise

Posted all the way from South Africa ☺

I *love* this.

oh Andrea, this touches me deeply...thank you, Beauty.
warmly,
gem

ah, surrender. not one of my strong points.

i have tried to embrace it closer to my heart and days in this year and a half of mothering. it is a wonderful tool in finding peacefulness as we explore parenting the twins. somedays i surrender myself to their play, their needs, their fun. and other days i surrender myself to my needs, my play and my fun. it seems to help me balance it all.

true surrender, true trust in it, i have not felt that since i was pregnant. but i am not totally sure i need it right now. and i will remember this when the time comes.

For me in the end the only option is to surrender to the fact that I don't know. Many spiritual books/teachers/etc. stay on a level of "psychological self-help", pretending to give THE answer on everything. And that's okay, of course. It can be a great help to people.

Something (but I don't know what or who) forces me to go deeper than that. I can't stay on that level for long. My own "failures" show me I'm still that self-centered human being who makes mistakes, always, despite of reading all those books and listen to all those teachers carefully. Something tells me that they don't know either, like I don't know. We all know we don't know. We don't know who we are, we don't know what this all is, or what it is about. We don't know if we will succeed tomorrow if we have succeed today. (Like you faced the difficulties of teaching.) We don't know. I don't know.

Surrendering to that can be a very frightening experience. But also a very, very liberating one.

My spiritual mother used to tell me that surrender is not choosing to have nothing, but instead opening yourself up to everything.

Hi Andrea,
Wow, did you crawl inside my head and read my thoughts AGAIN?!? I want a romantic partner so badly every fiber of my being truly aches. I don't know what else I can do to find one. It is so hard to let go and not push push push because it's something i want so very badly. I am also trying to recover from a heartbreak, complicated by the fact that he is now dating the woman who had originally set us up. I very much want to let go of that hurt but once again, don't know where to start. Maybe I should just focus on me? On my life? On making myself happy? A fear I have is that if I don't push it'll never happen. Sorry to turn you into my therapist but thank you for giving me and the other commentors a chance to air our thoughts and struggles. You are so wonderful!!!

Wow, I love these photos! What gorgeous people! Your post on letting go is perfect!
Thanks

This couldn't be more timely. Thank you. I recently surrendered to heartbreak. I had been holding on, trying to control the when, the how, when the control was an illusion all along. It is excruciating, but I'm now at the beginning of the healing rather than facing the end of the thing that I wanted over and over.

Wow!!!

Amazing how the Universe directs you to what you most need at the right time in the right place.

Goddess Andrea, thank you for sharing this part of your journey. I wasn't sure what it was I needed to let go of and through your words and your story I see that it might just be with the way I think things need to be.

"...what is negotiable. What about the how or the when? " Powerful words that ring so true.

"... attached I was to my way. My natural, wholesome, green tea, "right" way."

Quite a lot to absorb and feel and yet it resonates so true.

Thank you my Goddess sister for lighting my path and giving me another perspective.

Wishing you,
Peace & Love, Just Because,
Goddess Diana

Oh, boy...the surrender word again. I have been working with a mantra for the past couple of days, "I surrender to what is emerging." Not easy when I want things to happen a certain way or a certain time. Letting go of the attachment to the outcome is very liberating. Surrendering is not giving up, it is allowing the flow to happen as it may. That is what I am working on. Going with the flow and enjoying the ride in the process.

I read something somewhere the other day about 'what part of you is the river and what part of you is the dam?' and this is what your post reminded me of. Thank you.

"I told them that it was surrendering to the pain, not resisting it, that helped me the most....
It is not letting go of having a beautiful healthy baby, but surrendering to the pain and discomfort of the now. It is surrendering to how long it will take, how painful it might be, or how exactly it goes down."

yes yes and yes....these words ring so true. this post was needed in my life right now. you are so beautiful andrea...thank you for posting this.

I let go of the fact that I obsess a lot about what other people say, and do, or don't say or don't do. I think I may just have to write a post about this too on my blog tomorrow! I've been working on letting go of other people's stuff - decisions -- and how I take that stuff personally. I've let go of some friends lately too. The friendships were going on and on even though we were not getting much from them anymore. Or I wasn't. I have to admit that out loud. I don't need to beat myself up for having new boundaries. Or for thinking too much about it. I let go of judging myself about how I handle relationships in my own head.

This is the first time I've read your blog. A friend told me about it. I've just read this posting and it's truly lovely and sweet and gentle and hard all at once. So thanks for putting it all down.

I write about my decision to try for a child in my blog under "Baby Love" post. Check it out and see what you think.

http://afeministspeaks.blogspot.com/

yes yes surrendering to what is - is so much easier in so many parts of our lives. I'm trying to surrender into being ill and failing as I'm also trying to set up a business at the same time.

I'm going to go and bake some bagels and lie on the sofa and knit and stop trying to do more marketing !

Today we celebrate week 15 in utero of our first child.... years of praying, crying, and finally western intervention. We wouldn't have it any other way. To be able to tell my child I saw them and loved them from a teeny little follicle.... Unbeknownst to us, a dear friend that beat cervical cancer this year, found her self surprised and holding a positive pregnancy test in her hand. The guilt she felt for sharing her unexpected and complicated blessing was written all over her face. The only words that kept bubbling up to the top was "the greatest miracles in our lives don't come along the paths we expected." Mine came from artificial insemination, a clinic full of dr's and nurses praying, cheering, and crying over the good news. Hers came as an answer to an unspoken prayer... and realizing that it is okay to surrender and let us lift her up when she needs it.

"For me, the breakthrough came when I was willing to do it differently than I had planned." First round of clomid and waiting for a positive OPK to do insemination. Not what I'd planned. And if this doesn't work? Then on to adoption. Not what I'd planned either but slowly, slowly I'm unfolding. Thanks Andrea.

My auntie's a midwife and she too tells me that the difference between a difficult childbirth and a not-so-difficult childbirth for the mother, is whether or not they can say "yes" to the pain.

Easier said than done but great advice, I agree :o)

oh andrea, sooo what i needed to hear today - and for so many reasons. thank you. :)

I can't tell you how much this post means to me. I lost a baby this week. It was actually my 5th pregnancy. I have 2 beautiful boys. And this week I felt raw pain. The worst kind of all.

Is there a place in your life where you can surrender? Yes, I can surrender to the fact that I have to be a full time working Mom. What parts are negotiable for you? The job that I choose to have. Where are you resisting? The interruptions into family life, not being there when I need/want to be, the routine to meet the demands of the job I have.

Great post today. Really making me think...

First of all, those are miraculous photos...
I'm learning to surrender my need to hover over my children. I have a new job and am away from them, they are older and I have raised them well. I need to let myself realize that they are/will be fine while I am out of the house.
And, once again, your words have coached me/taught me/inspired me.
I thank you.

thank you for sharing these wise words. not being attached to the how or when is good way to look at things. sometimes i have to remind myself that letting go doesn't mean giving up on the things that i can sensibly take responsibility for. take care.

it is so unexpected and nice to have this reminder of surrender.
to me that implies big time trust that the universe will rise up to meet me.
definitely working on that.
i tend to be the girl who "lets go" only to snatch it back or move back into the clinging.
slowly and gently that is shifting, and for that i am grateful.
relaxing and taking it moment by moment at times.
letting what i can offer or 'give up' be enough.
and receiving.
i'm letting go of the need to be perfect.

andrea, thank you for sharing so much of your heart and experience with us. it definitely has been teaching me through your
example. :)

This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I am going to go back and read again!
Thank you so much!!!

This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I am going to go back and read again!
Thank you so much!!!

This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I am going to go back and read again!
Thank you so much!!!

this is just what i needed...thank you so much. what a gift!

this is just what i needed...thank you so much. what a gift!

this is just what i needed...thank you so much. what a gift!

This is so true: I have learned so much in the past six months that sometimes when we give in, when we surrender what we think we need or want, we'll come to what we're most longing for even if we didn't know it beforehand.

I love this reminder, thank you. I have let go of a lot in the last six months and it's so true: sometimes when we let go, when we fully surrender, we find what we're most longing for, even if we didn't know it before.

I have learned that while letting go doesn't make the thing happen any faster, it helps me keep my sanity and perhaps even find joy in the meantime.

I have been unemployed since January. In church on Sunday I found myself praying, "Please help me find a job...and in the meantime, please help me continue to find ways to remain financially solvent." That is very different from what my prayers would have been in past years: "Please help me find a job," with the expectation that a job should be forthcoming yesterday, and all of the frustration inherent in it not happening that way.

At least for right now, I am at peace with not knowing how or when. However, I reserve the right to feel frustrated at some point in the future. :-)

I am afraid to let go with Aidie. I am afraid to let go because the world has judged him harshly.

Such a thought provoking post.

I am resisting this fall. This long, slow, painful, frightening drift into insecurity. If I would let go, it would be a gentle flight, a leaf descending on wisps of current, into the carpet of leaves blanketing below.

Thank you for this Andrea. I have so much chaos going on in my life at the moment (return to work after six months of medical leave, moving in three weeks, learning to live without headache pain - that's happy chaos!!) - I really, really need to surrender to the moment, whatever frustrations, changes or chances that they may hold.

Like most rewarding things in life, surrendering is easier said than done. Today, this post helped. So thanks.

So what I needed to read right now in my life.

I'm dealing with wanting to have that special someone in my life. I long for a partner to share my days with. I fell in love, and so did he, but for some reason, he can't handle the situations that surround our life now. I am trying to come to peace with this trial... wishing he could see the joy I see, rather than just the hardships.

I'm trying to let go and know that as much as I long for this, perhaps its not the time, or the right match, and that in time, I will have what I long for.

you draw such beautiful parallels between your life and the lives of others... i want to surrender to my own happy path. my own philosophy. my own wisdom. i want to start looking inward for the answers.

Beautiful post, Andrea!

Straight from your heart to ours.

Thank you :-)

I so, so needed this one today. Thank you.

these are such stunning and emotive photos andrea.

and my mind is swirling in response to your questions. i know that i am presently surrendering to the messyness that comes with becoming my most healthy authentic self...trusting that all that i hope for will happen, but that facing present challenges are part of the wholeness of happiness.

i love that pose too...

so beautiful and well timed.
perfect actually.
thank you.

so many things i want to let go of-
but for the moment,
i will let go of my rigid list of "what i should be doing."

instead,
i will try to do what feels good,
one small step at a time....
and trust that is enough.

many blessings,
mccabe xx