January 15, 2010Heartbreak, Haiti and the importance of connection*
This week has got me thinking about heartbreak. It started on Tuesday afternoon when Ben had another febrile seizure. This one was particularly violent and we happened to be on the street when it happened. Couple that with the fact that Ben spit up his Martinelli's sparkling cider at the same moment (making it look like he was foaming at the mouth) and you have me in full blown panic, my entire body shaking violently, matching his tiny little body shaking violently in my arms. Then there is me trying to breathe, checking to make sure he is breathing, asking someone to call the paramedics, feeling helpless and unbrave, alone and scared to death. When I think about that scene, the moment that still brings me to tears is this one: There was a college student, about 20 years old, who appeared out of nowhere, looked me in the eyes and said, "I'm here to help." At that moment I didn't have a good job for him and the paramedics arrived shortly after, but this small act of kindness, of simply being with me in this moment was an incredible gift. He probably thought he wasn't needed and wasn't helping, but I actually wish he hadn't disappeared when the paramedics arrived. I wish I could thank him for that small bit of kindness and connection. Ben is fine. Or mostly fine for a boy who had a 103 temp this morning, another seizure, and is still coughing violently. Fine for a boy who is watching Dora right now, but who I feel I need to hover over, just to be sure... every tiny jerk of his body sending my own body into a vigilent kind of attention-- like an electric shock or a cattle prod. What this has to do with Haiti
My friend Myriam., pictured above, has family in Haiti. She is understandably devastated and is calling on us, this wonderful community to help. Her goal is to raise 30,000 for her family and I know we can help. More info coming later today so that we can all donate whatever we can. If there is anything that moment on the street taught me is that it's easy to walk by, or to look horrified from a distance. We are afraid to get too close, or we just don't know what to do. I get it. I don't know what to do either. But I am grateful for this opportunity to give through Myriam. It is one way we can stand alongside these people and in our own way say, "I'm here to help." Posted on January 15, 2010 12:34 PMComments
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That level of anxiety can't go on for long without making you sick. I totally feel you on the sick child--Haiti thing. My child is "medically fragile", aka she's got a lot going on :) but I can't watch the news. Knowing how awful it is over there right now, I know that it would never be like that here. I can't imagine the horror of not knowing how you are going to feed, clothe, or shelter your child in the middle of winter. I'm crying now. I just, I don't think I'm expressing this adequately, I think I'm so immensely grateful. It gives me hope and makes me think that maybe my child will grow up in a world of love and peace and joy. And so, back to you. I think that you should post a random post on craigslist under random encounters and maybe that same college aged person will find you again. Because the universe is funny like that, and I think that he would like to know. That's the kind of boy that you are trying to raise, will raise. I hope that that momma knows that about her son. So, randomest comment ever, but I needed to say all that, so thanks. Alicia Posted by: Leesh at January 21, 2010 08:58 PMmy heart aches for you and ben (and your husband)...and for myriam and haiti...so i breathe into my heart to try and expand the love a little more, hoping that a little more love will support the healing. xo Posted by: qmama at January 21, 2010 07:22 AMOh, sweetie. I wish I could wrap you in a huge hug right now. I am sending you as much love and strength as I can, though I am very glad to hear that he (you all) are on the road to recovery. So glad that person was there for you in that moment. Posted by: elizabeth at January 20, 2010 11:07 PMI will keep ben and you his wonderful brave mother in my prayers..You are not alone. Posted by: gloria King at January 20, 2010 10:27 PMI'm sitting here in a coffee shop, reading this post, tears streaming down my face. - your strength wow - Thanks for sharing. I needed that. Posted by: Glad at January 20, 2010 03:22 PMso sorry to hear about ben. hope he is OK!! sending you xoxo's. as for haiti - i've donated money to the red cross but i am happy to help out more! xoxo Posted by: muck at January 20, 2010 09:34 AMI love that single act of compassion...it speaks volumes that all is not totally lost. Posted by: jakki at January 20, 2010 06:06 AMI love that single act of compassion...it speaks volumes that all is not totally lost. Posted by: jakki at January 20, 2010 06:04 AMI love that single act of compassion...it speaks volumes that all is not totally lost. Posted by: jakki at January 20, 2010 06:03 AMOh, Andrea. My heart is with you. xoxo Posted by: Laura Neff - Life Leadership Coach at January 19, 2010 02:52 PMBeing a Mama is a risky buisness, also astounding and mind-numbing and the greatest priviledge. I hope Ben heals soon and that huge heaps of healing land in Haiti also. Posted by: 6512 and growing at January 19, 2010 12:07 PMHi Andrea, Chills. So sorry about Ben's seizure. That sounds terrifying. Posted by: RookieMom Whitney at January 18, 2010 09:23 PMhey andrea....let me know more about myriam and what can be done. i have a friend who just lost his niece in Haiti...she arrived one hour before earthquake hit :( hope ben is well. sending hugs .... Andrea - amazing Posted by: Catherine at January 18, 2010 02:46 PMOh, darling. Those damn seizures. Please know, they do stop. I have a 19 year old girl sleeping on the couch who had them for 5 years. I remember with every little jerk I was a wreck. You are so brave and little Ben is so lucky to have you for his mama. I found that one of the problems was she didn't act sick until the seizure! Come to find out, she is fighting an infection. I am here to help... Posted by: Puanani at January 18, 2010 06:02 AM(((((((((Andrea))))))))) I've been heartened by the response to Haiti Posted by: creativevoyage at January 18, 2010 03:15 AMhello dear andrea, so lovely to find you & your blog...you have such a gorgeous face! & such a gorgeous heart!...love your postings, trusting magic, imagining what we would do without limits, haiti help & being close...& oh dear, the primal fear of seeing your son have (another) seizure (i send you both a hug from my mother heart!!). i send you swirls & lovely colors & dancing steps of love. Posted by: rachel awes at January 18, 2010 02:53 AMmy heart breaks when I read this. When my son was almost 2 he had a febrile seizure at my school that I taught at. He stopped breathing and one of our yard duties gave him cpr until the ambulance arrived. Once they took him to the hospital he had another one that night. After an mri, and spinal tap no abnormalities appeared. But now 2 1/2 years later my husband and I are what I call "crazy fever parents". We don't take any chances anymore. Now with our second son who's 11 months old we are just the same. So without sharing my life story, I just wanted to give you a little blog-to-blog hug. I understand how completely scary and out of control you feel. Surprisingly febrile seizures are not that uncommon for kids under 4 because their bodies cannot regulate their fevers yet. So pretty lady, hang in there, this too shall pass. And your little Ben will be perky and lively soon. thank you for always reminding us what is important in life! thank you for always reminding us what is important in life! thank you for always reminding us what is important in life! thank you for always reminding us what is important in life! I found my way here through some kind of circuitous route but what a beautiful, wonderful blog. I had to laugh, though, when I opened up to this post and read what you had written about your son and his febrile seizures and Haiti. I don't really mean laugh -- not the joyful kind of laugh -- rather, a coincidental laugh -- I have a daughter with a seizure disorder and during the last week as she had her usual near-constant seizures, as my heart was lurching and doing what it has always done, I thought of those mothers in Haiti and their own daughters, some of whom might have seizures. Anyway, I don't mean to sound like a crazy person -- I'm just amazed by synchronicity, I suppose! Posted by: elizabeth at January 17, 2010 04:20 PMwell, sister, i am definitely here to help in any way i can. thanks for sharing. keep us posted. you're honesty & courage to share is so moving & motivating. praying for ben & all the scared mammas & kids all around the world...especially in haiti. Posted by: rachael at January 17, 2010 11:35 AMandrea, i too know that fear you felt with your most precious beautiful boy....sending my good thoughts and prayers to both of you. and also, the young man that stopped and looked you in the eye! wow... that brings tears to my eyes. that is the kind of young man i hope and pray we have raised. really such a touching story... xxo, kim Posted by: kim klassen at January 17, 2010 08:34 AMOh Andrea, So sorry you are going through this. Know my thoughts are with you ... and Haiti, too, has been on my mind a lot. Glad we are able to help Myriam via your readers. More evidence of the goodness you bring to the world. Thank you. Posted by: Sue at January 17, 2010 04:49 AMYou gave Ben cider ? In my country, cider is an alcoholic drink - I can't imagine you would do that to him though ! I hope he is better soon... Posted by: Cheryl at January 17, 2010 03:55 AMthere is good in this world, there are good people here too, we must always, always remember that...sending you strength from across the seas, mama. take good care of each other. warmly, s Posted by: sperlygirl at January 17, 2010 02:10 AMoh,mama, so scary and hard...i am glad that young man gave you the moment he did. we all have angels in some way, always with us. thank you for calling on us, on me, to be an angel for someone else that needs it. let us know how and when. this will also be welcome news for my mama, she has been asking me where to give, but i could not find a place that i felt would really help. and so, this helps us too. Posted by: mamie at January 16, 2010 10:00 PMI will check back to see about how to help. sending love your way! Posted by: Emily Perry at January 16, 2010 08:27 PMSending you loads of love and courage and comfort today...know you are in our thoughts. Posted by: Tisha at January 16, 2010 06:40 PMSending you loads of love and courage and comfort today...know you are in our thoughts. Posted by: Tisha at January 16, 2010 06:39 PMHI, what are febrile seizures? and why does he have them? This is the first i have ever heard of that. I am so sorry for you and that day. I am sure that was scary. I'm glad he is okay. :) I. am. here. to. help. Haiti. Let. me. know. what. I. can. do. oxox PS Beautiful Andrea and Ben, I holding you close to my heart. Posted by: Trish at January 16, 2010 05:39 PMI have never met your sweet boy. I have never met you. But every time you write about these wrenching, horrible febrile seizures, my heart clenches. And then I sob. I'm so sorry that fever continues to do this to Ben. As a momma, my empathy is...I don't have the right word. Posted by: Yolanda at January 16, 2010 05:24 PMSending you warm wishes and hugs, Andrea. Be kind to yourself as you're taking care of Ben. xo Posted by: Jolie at January 16, 2010 04:28 PMGreat post, Andrea. Point well made. Is there a link for Myriam? Nothing clicks through for me. Posted by: Shelley Noble at January 16, 2010 12:03 PMAh Andrea. My heart aches when I think about what you must have been feeling with Ben and may be feeling now. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Having a child has broken through all of the barriers with me when it comes to love and is one of the bravest things I feel I have ever done because when I love like this, the scary stuff (illness, for example) feels sharper and huge. Thank you for sharing your story. I also want to thank you and Myriam for giving me a chance to help. Right before I read your post I was trying to figure out who I could help today financially and have felt unsure about where to give in re to Haiti. I look forward to more details. Much love. xo Jennifer Posted by: Jennifer at January 16, 2010 11:28 AMPost a comment
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