October 31, 2003
October 29, 2003
doggie
doggie, Canon EOS
Some fine places for you to visit today:
Mark Nair Wonderful stories about his family. Look for "Have Bag Will Travel"
Hoopla 500 I love her essays!
Grass church via Caterina
October 28, 2003
hair, god, texture
Mary, Canon EOS
I had a conversation with my hairdresser recently that I am convinced brought me closer to God {or maybe just self-acceptance}
It started over gin and tonics at an art opening at the hair salon. As we chatted on the fire escape, I said something I would never have said if I was sober. “You know Eric, I hate to say it, but I want Jennifer Anniston’s hair. Can you give me that?”
He rolled his eyes and said, “You can NEVER have Jennifer Anniston’s hair. It’s a texture thing. You have to work with what you have.”
To you, this might sound completely obvious, but to me, it was a downright revelation. I thought that I was only supposed to want my hair, but I could have Jennifer Anniston’s hair if I wanted it. Isn’t that what America is all about?
So I’m looking at my life these days with new eyes, trying to work with what I have, aware of how much time I spend wanting other peoples’ lives. The gorgeous mom with the Camper shoes and the perfect sunglasses walking her baby in Cole Valley. The strawberry blond haired french girl at the boulangerie with the thin freckled legs.
It’s a texture thing. You can’t BE these people.
*
Sometimes I am haunted by the thought that our life is going be lived, dissolved into memory, whether we have a good time or not. It will pass, whether we love our hair, our bodies, or our lives. On some level, life is indifferent to how much we are enjoying ourselves.
I think that’s why I write and take photographs. Because in the end, all we’re left with is the stories. If you can tell a good story, or maybe, how you tell a story, literally gives you your life.
When I first met my friend Sasha, I showed her a photo album of mine and she was in awe. “You have such a glamorous life!,” she said. And when I looked at these photos, I realized that she was right. Not because it was "true" but because that’s the story I was telling.
What I really want to say is that I want to want MY life and I'm learning to let go of all the not-enoughness. I want to stop desiring anything more than what I have right now.I want to work with what I have. Apparently, it’s a texture thing.
October 19, 2003
superhero scarves!
Elizabeth, Canon EOS
Cozy like a scarf, glamorous like a boa, yummy like cake.
They're limited edition, so get em' while they last!
Made of faux fur and chinese brocade silk in a variety of colors.
You can see all the flavors here.
October 17, 2003
Photo Friday-Body
romanesque broccoli, Nikon Coolpix 4500
Photo Friday's theme today is "Body"
This is the body of a "Romanesque broccoli," unsung hero of the vegetable world. Have you ever seen anything like it?
I am convinced that if this vegetable was a human, it would be a brilliant math
genius who took lots of mushrooms.
October 16, 2003
look out Martha
downtown San Francisco, Olympus Epic
Okay, my inner Martha Stewart finally reared her head. I thought it would stop with the George Forman grill, but you guys got to talking about the Swiffer Jet, and well, I couldn't help myself.
I was with my mother-in-law yesterday and we ended up in one of those domestic superstores and I saw the Swiffer Jet gleaming in the distance. As I fondled it, my mother-in-law said, "So what do you normally use?"
How could I break it to her that I don't normally use anything? that I have one crusty black foam mop that I haven't used in say, six months? (The only time we mop is when we spill something really horrible on the floor)
When I got it home, I discovered that it is BATTERY POWERED! My god. You push a button and it actually squirts liquid onto the floor in front of you which you then mop away.
Genius.
I was laughing like a maniac. I found it hilarious and like a godsend and I mopped and mopped until I couldn't inhale that fresh clean smell any longer.
Matt was laying on the couch reading, watching me out of the corner of his eye, wondering if he should delight in the fact that I was actually doing my share of the cleaning, or if he should be terribly worried about me.
October 15, 2003
Happy Birthday Sasha!
Sasha, bathroom of the Peacock Lounge Nikon Coolpix 4500
It's Sasha's 30th birthday today!
We discovered at her birthday party that sometimes the best portrait studio is the bathroom at your local dive bar. Give it a try.
If you're curious about the incredible dress she's wearing, it was custom made by our friends over at Silver Lucy Design.
October 12, 2003
party
Sasha, getting ready for the party, Nikon Coolpix 4500
recently enjoying:
Fray
Maganda
Dooce
Extreme Pumpkins
Heather's new site
Not Martha
and congratulations to you mightygirl!
October 10, 2003
the need for change
found photograph, Market St.
"The need for change
bulldozed a road down
the center of my mind."
-Maya Angelou
October 09, 2003
fu you!
Matt and Grant after a dust storm, Burning Man, Olympus Epic
I went to Matt's Kung Fu class last night to check it out. It was great except for when the fighting started. They call this part of the practice the "applications."
I was paired with a girl who wore tons of black eyeliner and didn't smile. Her tee shirt said, "Emily wants YOU to leave me alone!"
As she gestured a punch toward my face, I tried to look casual, like I'd been in millions of fights before, but I saw this look in her eyes that made me wince. I blocked her punches with my forearm and felt a bruise immediately form. "Damn! that hurts!" I said. "Yeah, that's just how it is," she said and punched me again.
The teacher came over to show us the next part of the move. She was instructed to cross my arms, pin them to my torso, and then go in for the jugular. Literally, she lunged forward, grabbed my neck, put a hand in the small of my back, and arched me to the floor. "Can't she just GESTURE like she's going for my neck?" I asked. "Yes, definitely", the teacher said, "this part makes some people uncomfortable."
I think Matt really wanted me to love it more. He imagined us at home doing moves from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. With a "Suh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" we'd be floating across the kitchen in praying mantis stance.
Ah, well.
October 07, 2003
teachers
buddha, Thailand, Yashica T4
I'm back! Thanks to my dear friend Sasha and a brand new web host. Thank you for all of your welcome back messages!
The other night I went to a Spirit Rock affiliated Buddhist meditation sitting. An incredible woman named Martine Batchelor was the guest speaker. I could have curled up and listened to her stories all nght long.
She won our hearts immediately, when a few minutes into the sitting she said, “We’re not trying to do anything special here, or be anything special. We’re just watching.” Matt and I, who have never meditated before, breathed a sigh of relief. We were already trying to be "good" meditators, ones that have insights and don’t fall asleep.
Nevertheless, I dozed off repeatedly, only catching myself as my body teetered forward almost hitting the person in front of me. I thought way to much about sex (maybe because it was inappropriate?), made mental lists of things I needed to do once it was over, obsessed about whether I had turned my cell phone off, and was just generally thinking way too much. I tried to “come back to my breath”, and found myself starting to hyperventilate. Every once in a while, I would open my eyes and look around the room (bad meditator!) to see if anyone else had their eyes open (we could share a friendly thumbs up) but I was the only one. I imagined I was in the Matrix and everyone in the room was frozen in time but me.
The dharma talk was about teachers, and she described different types: the guru, the master/disciple relationship, and guides.
She told a story about a teacher she had when she was a nun in Korea for 10 years. He was the master teacher in the temple and the nuns rarely saw him. His teachings were not that direct. When she did, she would ask a question like, “How can I improve my meditation practice?” He would pause, not say a word, look at her. Maybe he didn’t hear me? she thought, and repeated the question. Again, he paused, silent, and finally said, “You know what to do.”
And of course, she discovered that she did.
She said that when he died, an enormous light went out in the temple. Even though they rarely saw him, they all found themselves lost. Martine realized that what he had done was hold a space for them. His teaching came from having enough faith in them to say, “You know what to do,” and not from having all the answers.
Maybe some of our greatest teachers are the ones that simply give us the gift of faith, and believe in us.