glammy boho girl

Denise is the boho bombshell,Canon Rebel XTI

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness,
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, "It's simple," they say,
"and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."

~Mary Oliver
{via Sweetie Pie}

My new year's wish for all of you is to go easy, to be filled with light, and to shine. Happy New Year! (Mondo Beyondo will be back again this week so think about starting your list...)

elf kitchen

elf kitchen,Canon Rebel XTI

A tiny elf found his way into my kitchen this morning.

little drummer boy

Ben with his new drum kit,Canon Rebel XTI

Ben,Canon Rebel XTI

delicious,Canon Rebel XTI

future conductor or future Harry Potter,Canon Rebel XTI

Merry Christmas!

collage, Ben, fall leaves,Canon Rebel XTI

Last night I noticed that the sidewalks of my entire neighborhood were lined with light. Someone had placed paper lunch bags (with tea lights inside) all along the sidewalks. Each bag was about a foot away from the next so it created the most beautiful and arresting visual... I've never been much for Christmas, but this act of beauty on the part of my neighbors delighted me into my first real moment of holiday reverie.

As I walked with Ben this morning I saw a man picking all of the bags up in a red wagon. "Are you the one who put all of these out?" I asked. "Just my block," he explained. He said that it had all started on one tiny street (appropriately named "Holly") and every year the idea spread. "Pretty soon all of Berkeley will look like this!" he smiled.

It reminded me that there was just one person who decided to do this on Christmas years ago... and now the entire neighborhood is filled with light.

May we all take that opportunity, at least once in life, to be that one person that fills the whole world with light.

Wishing you all the happiest of days...

precious light

crusty flowers, Berkeley, CA,Canon Rebel XTI

The mountains, rivers, grasses, trees and forests are always emanating a subtle, precious light, day and night, always emanating a subtle, precious sound, demonstrating and expounding to all people the unsurpassed ultimate truth. -Yuan-Sou

magic

me and matt, Parkcycle in background,Canon Rebel XTI

me and the husband, dorkfaces, Canon Rebel XTI

Feeling grateful for my husband Matt this holiday season... My kind, silly, handsome, creative husband with the magical eyes.

sign-posts

tree, North Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel XTI

There are moments in our lives, there are moments in a day, when we seem to see beyond the usual. Such are the moments of our greatest happiness. Such are the moments of our greatest wisdom. If one could but recall his vision by some sort of sign. It was in this hope that the arts were invented. Sign-posts on the way to what may be. Sign-posts toward greater knowledge. -Robert Henri, from The Art Spirit (published in 1923)

beauty

chairlift, Oakland Zoo, Canon Rebel XTI

"No thing is beautiful. But all things await the sensitive and imaginative mind that may be aroused to pleasurable emotion at sight of them. This is beauty." Robert Henri, from The Art Spirit (published in 1923)

wise bunch

Grass and sky necklace, Photo by Sundry, Canon Rebel XTI

For those of you planning to attend my trunk show this week, I won't be able to make it! I have to cancel due to an abundance of orders and no inventory to show... for this I am grateful! A HUGE thank you to all of you who have ordered jewelry and tees this season.

I also want to thank all of you for your awesome support on this issue of Ben's eating. I have been dealing with his weight for most of his life and the texture thing for several months now. I am always so heartened by your wise and gentle responses. Issues like feeding your child can be mighty sensitive and I am always so grateful that you are all intuitive enough to know what I need. Every time one of you said, "My son was like that! or He'll eat when he's hungry! or He's fine! Let him take his time. He can eat pureed food for the next 10 years!" it made me tear up with relief and my shoulders drop about three feet. I don't imagine it will take Ben too long to figure this out, but I truly appreciate how much space you all give me and him.

I noticed the same thing with breastfeeding. I appreciated the people in my life that gave me permission not to breastfeed, that told me he would be healthy and fine either way. This helped to be able to choose not from a place of fear, but from a more empowered place.

You really are a wise bunch.

Happy Birthday Ben!

Me and Ben, Oakland, CA, Canon Rebel XTI

Dear Ben,

You are one year old today. One whole year! People keep saying they can't believe it, that the year went by so fast, but I experienced the year more like you probably did- not fast at all, but long and full and rich and wide and deep. It was a challenging year in a lot of ways but I was always so inspired by your bright sweet face every morning. You are always ready, present, and full of joy to begin again.

You are an extraordinary little guy. You can see in your eyes that you are magic. Mark my words sweet Ben, in 20 years, 30 years, 50 years, they will still be saying, "That boy is magic."

I chose the above photo of us to represent you because the way you express pleasure is by flapping. When you see something that delights you, you enthusiastically flap your arms and legs wildly. In this case it was the camera. You love the camera! You also love dogs. And cats. Once, we walked the neighbor's dog Jupiter and you flapped like crazy and looked at me in disbelief like we were walking a big time celeb. "You KNOW him?!!" your eyes seemed to say. I felt really cool.

You recently discovered pointing. When you are in the Bjorn facing out your index fingers are cocked and ready for action. Dogs, trees, balls, small children? Look out. You cannot escape the pointers. Someone told me recently that pointing is a developmental milestone. Apparently you are a genius and started this early.

I need to take a moment to mention the ball obsession. You flap like crazy whenever you see one and HAVE TO HAVE IT or the world will definitely come to an end. Whenever we go to the grocery store and wander through the produce section the flapping begins. It took me a while to figure out that the oranges, pomogranates and lemons look like nirvana to you- a room full of colorful bouncy balls! Oh my god. What could be better?

You said the word mama (in context) for the first time yesterday. You reached for me and said, "Mama!" and I just melted into a pool at your feet. Little hint Ben: All you have to do is say "mama" and you can pretty much have whatever you want. Seriously. Even the cell phone.

We are convinced that you have extraordinary musical ability. We promise not to push this one on you, but we do notice how the maracas, the drums, the egg shakers, and your Music Together CD make you happier and more calm than anything else. Once when we were at the park a man was playing the ukulele and you just blissed out for nearly a half an hour without moving. Record breaking for a mover like you.

You are still having trouble with textured food. We went to a nutritionist recommended by the doctor recently and that was very frustrating. She didn't even look at you during the appointment! Only at your chart that detailed your height and weight. Then she basically told me it was my fault, that we weren't eating our meals together and that I was just generally holding you back. She then recommended you eat ice cream and fish sticks. WTF?!! excuse my french.

I am going to apologize to you now if I am in fact the one holding you back, but honestly I don't buy it. I think you need more time and you know what? I am in no hurry. You can take all the time you need. You are perfect exactly as you are.

Well Ben, I better wrap up so when you wake up we can take you to the zoo and see your grandparents and sing you a birthday song. You are also getting a really cool Radio Flyer Walker Wagon today and I can't wait to see you push that thing around.

When I think of how blessed I am to have you, well, it's like the equivalent of a produce aisle full of colorful bouncy balls. Exciting, gorgeous, a colorful nirvana... and if it didn't look so silly for me to do, I would flap my arms and legs in pure, absolute joy.

progress

maple leaves, Berkeley,CA, point and shoot

What's on my mind today are the ways in which motherhood has turned me into the person I COULDN'T TOLERATE before now. For starters, I used to be a compulsively early person. I inherited this from my parents who are also compulsively early. Dinnner at 8? They will arrive at 7:30 at the restaurant looking mildly annoyed that you didn't arrive sooner. Going to the airport? They will arrive FOUR HOURS in advance.

I am also this way, although not to such an extreme. I will wait in the car so as to not arrive too early. I will drive somewhere, park and go window shopping until just before the appointment. Matt has to bargain with me to leave the house later so we aren't the dorky first guests at the party. (I LOVE being the dorky first guest!)

Not only am I obnoxiously early, but I CAN'T STAND IT when others are late. I am even a little bit smug about it all and regularly go on "I can't believe they are late AGAIN!" tirades.

Anyway, all of that flew out the window almost exactly one year ago.

I woke up one day and realized that I am now that person I couldn't stand. I show up late. I cancel at the last minute. I am too busy and forget to call. I fall out of communication. I don't return emails. I leave the oven on, I let the toast burn, I let lunch burn, I let dinner burn, I forget everything.

I actually stood up my coach for not one but two coaching calls this month. As a coach myself, this is extra mortifying to me. I know what it's like when a client is late or flakes. I would huff and puff and consider firing them. Don't they respect me and my time? Aren't they invested in this coaching process? How hard is it to pick up the phone at a designated time?!! This is why their life isn't working! I would think.

Did I mention that I am now that person?
Oh my.

I know this lesson is not over.

I know I will eventually have the opportunity to become (if only for a moment) everything I can't tolerate in others. I will be the mom yelling at her kids in the grocery aisle. I will be the crazy girl you can't get away from at the party. I will be the annoying relative. I will be the a-hole on the cell phone at the restaurant. I will be all these things and more.

I believe there is a point to all of this. Something about compassion. Until we can be with our own imperfections and our own failures we won't be able to be with others'. We have all of it in us; the meanie, the judge, the negative nelly, the martyr, the jealous friend... I want to be able to be with all of those parts...not to make them wrong but to notice them, and teach Ben that to be human is to be beautifully imperfect.

I was talking with SARK about all of this and she remembered this incredibly fitting quote: "Until we have become that which we are demonstrating against, we will have made no progress." -Thich Nhat Hanh

I suppose I am making progress.

stefanierenee

Stef,Alameda,CA, Canon Rebel XTI

Stef,Alameda,CA, Canon Rebel XTI

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