fragments

paint chips, Ace Hardware, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

I realize that I've been waiting to post, for that exact right moment when I'm not feeling fragmented and distracted. That moment when I'm not simultaneously checking my email, packaging an order, and wondering if we're too late to apply for preschools or if Ben needs therapy for his chewing issues. And speaking of food, do we have any food in the fridge? and oh yeah, I should probably brush my teeth today. Maybe after one more espresso.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, fragments.

My life is a little chopped up at the moment. My phone calls are all in little slices (call you back, Ben just had a poo!) my work is fragmented throughout the day between naps. My sleep is still fragmented by trips to Ben's room for soothing or milk. Sometimes I feel like I don't give anything my full attention, that everything and everyone gets a little bit less of me than before, but I've been learning to make peace with the the fragmented life.

I posted the above photo because as I look at these paint chips, I see how beautiful this cut up little landscape can be, little bits of color strung together (some you like and some you don't) but together they make quite a stunning composition. This is the lens through which I want to see my life right now. Little bits of beauty, or hurt, or tiredness, or joy all bound together. If you stand back just a little bit you can see how it all fits together and makes something beautiful.

P.S. Matt got into a cycling accident yesterday with a German shepherd that isn't fond of bicycles. He's all slinged up (and hopped up on painkillers for his badly sprained arm) but I am grateful it was nothing worse. Send a few healing wishes his way. I know he'd love that.

Way to go Ben!

Ben, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

Ben, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

At the post office counter, my cell phone rings. A little sheepishly, I answer because I see that it's Matt.
Matt: Hi! (clearly very happy about something)
Me: (whispering) I'm at the counter at the post office, what is it?
Matt: Ben pooped in his Baby Bjorn toilet!
Me: Really?! Okay, I'm going to call you back.
Me: (To the post office worker, as a way of apologizing for being on my cell phone during our transaction) My 16 month old just pooped in his little toilet for the first time!
Post office worker #1: Wow! cool...
Post office worker #2: (Really loud booming male voice) He did?! Ben did that? Way to go Ben!
Customer #1: Way to go Ben!
Cutsomer #2: Way to go Ben!

And there we all were, a bunch of strangers really, smiling and happy for Ben and his little victories in life. Way to go Ben. We are so proud of you.

Photo Friday: Electricity

Roan, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

Photo Friday's theme this week is electricity. I thought this photo was perfect; Roan and his electric guitar.... he gave us quite a concert during the photo session, complete with head banging and cool lyrics: Leave me alone mommy! He is way awesome.

hotties

The new batch of bulls eye pendants are in! I will be shipping them out this week to all of you who are waiting so patiently. Thank you!

And I wanted to share the beautiful photo above of Boho and Carsten wearing their pendants. What a handsome pair! (Shot by Boho Denise)

Karen

Karen Walrond, Canon Rebel Xti

I had the pleasure of seeing the beautiful Karen Walrond when she was in San Francisco this week. Having only met her once before in real life, I was so delighted to spend time with her.

I was also really excited to photograph her in the new superhero pendant. But alas, I was so distracted by her beauty that I abandoned this task altogether and just basked in her lovely smile and spirit.

If you don't know Karen already, she is a lawyer, a mom and a fellow Shutter Sister. And to quote Flight of the Conchords, she could also be a part-time model. Or full-time!

taking my own advice

self, with new superhero bulls eye pendant, Canon Rebel Xti

One of the things I was curious about when I did the media cleanse was this: What was the feeling I experienced just before reaching for the tv or the phone or the email? What was it that drove the compulsive habitual behavior?

What I learned is that for me (and for most of us I would guess) the impulse was about a desire for connection. There is a kind of loneliness that comes before the reaching, a sort of anxiousness, a wanting to fill up the moment/the silence/the space with something. For someone like myself who works alone, blogging and email seemed like a reasonable solution. But I have been questioning if these ways actually satisfy that desire for connection or if it is simply more of that grasping that we humans seem to do so much of.

My zen calendar today had this quote by Thoreau: "Many go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after." What are we after anyway? What are we reaching for when we reach for our cell phones, our email, our twitters, our flickrs, our blogrolls, our Blackberries? If it is connection, what will that connecting mend in us?

I recently did something that I have been meaning to do for nearly a year. I went to my studio, brought pencils and paper, a brand new set of oil pastels, some great music and began to draw. It was the most glorious two hours. I experienced that sense of timelessness that you get when you are completely absorbed in a creative or meditative act. I left feeling so lifted up, so joyous, so full of life. More than anything though, I noticed the extent to which I didn't need anything more in those moments and in the hours after. I was filled up. I didn't need anyone or anything to be okay. I was just okay.

I hope I am describing the extent to which this is a revolutionary feeling for someone who has a zillion lists running in her head, is always in motion and has mild anxiety a lot of the time. Feeling completely okay is like touching nirvana.

We all know that art heals. We all know there is something sacred, deep and completely transporting about being creative. We seem to forget this over and over again. I know I did. So I remind myself again today, as I check my cell once more to see if anyone texted me (do they love me?!)

I'm off to the studio for another dose of the really good stuff.

a very cute person

Ben, 16 months, Canon Rebel Xti

Superhero Photo Challenge: Get a new perspective

Elizabeth and belly, San Francisco, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

3 good things:
1. The new photo challenge is up on Shutter Sisters!

2. Adie Loves Pollyis the cutest website I haver ever seen!

3. For you Weepies fans out there, you can now pre-order their new album Hideaway on Itunes and listen to the title track on their site.

a love note to you

You are exactly where you need to be.

You are not missing out, falling behind, doing it wrong,
not trying hard enough.

You are doing more than enough.

Whatever opinions you have about it,
however imperfect
This is yours.

Where you are right now.
Sitting here surfing the internet even.
Is perfect.

Hooray!

Elizabeth, Sadie and John, Canon Rebel Xti

The pendants arrived and I have been having a great time getting them all ready to send out! I am getting close to selling out of the first batch and plan to make more. Thank you so much for your orders!

I have been feeling extra blessed this week thinking about the incredible support I get from all of you, and also knowing that the most satisfying thing is how connected I feel to each of you. I love that when someone orders something they often tell me who its for, or what special meaning it has for them. Sometimes it is for someone they love who needs a little lift, or a special gift for themselves, something to remind them of their strength and creativity. Whatever the case, I love being connected to you in these small ways, little bits of our stories intermingled. You are all so generous with me and with the people in your lives.

Something else to celebrate: I am so moved and excited by a project that my friend Jen Lemen is doing. You can read about it on her blog (and contribute if you like)... It is incredibly inspiring and full of hope. The whole project is outlined here.

Brand new at Superhero!

Sasha wearing a bulls eye superhero pendant, Canon Rebel Xti

Sasha, wearing a bulls eye superhero pendant, Canon Rebel Xti

For years I have wanted to design something that had the superhero message, but was more delicate and totally different than the classic superhero necklace. I am so delighted to introduce the newest addition to the superhero collection: the bulls eye pendant!

It is made of sterling silver with a bulls eye on the front and the word "superhero" engraved on the back... a little message for the wearer, like a whisper in her ear, to remind her she is a superhero. Whenever she (or you) feels she needs a boost, she can turn it over and read her little love note. Like all superhero necklaces, it is meant to remind you of your courage, your strength, your creativity and your magic.

It comes with a delicate ball chain and the pendant has a matte finish. I will be getting the first batch in next week and will photograph the other side. Several of you already spotted it on the web site and pre-ordered. I am thrilled to have such a great response already!

Oh! and it is 49 buckaroos, which makes it a great gift for you and/or the other dear friends, family and soul sisters in your life.

grow

tulip, Canon Rebel Xti

I feel moved to add another bit to my post from a few days ago where I paraphrased something I heard Elizabeth Gilbert say at a lecture. I didn't mean to throw the baby out with the bathwater on the idea of living in the present. Living in the now is certainly something I strive for (what Ben is my greatest teacher in) and I see the joy and calm I experience when I can just be with what is (even when it doesn't look exactly how I want it)

I could go on and on, but I just want to be clear that what I heard that night just added something extra to the tapestry of my beliefs, another tool for my kit, another bit that adds to the richness of my life. It dropped my shoulders a bit, like living in the now wasn't one more thing I was failing at.

I believe that telling the stories of our lives helps us to appreciate our lives and even helps us to experience them in a different way, and for me, taking lots of photos helps me to tell my story, see the beauty around me, and be in the moment. My camera grounds me in the now and helps me see.

Anyway, I didn't mean to offend anyone's beliefs, so if I wrote that post hastily I apologize. I think there is room for all of it.

"Very early, I knew that the only object in life was to grow." Margaret Fuller

Swirly and me

Swirly and Andrea, Lake Anza, Berkeley, CA Canon Rebel Xti

Swirly, Canon Rebel Xti

Disco woods, Christine and Andrea, Canon Rebel Xti

When I started Superhero Designs eight years ago, I decided to interview several different women that I admired who were running successful businesses. Swirly, who was running a greeting card and paper products company then, was at the top of my list. We didn't know each other well at the time, but I knew intuitively that I had a lot to learn from her and that she would be generous with me. I was right on both accounts. In fact, all of the women I interviewed were incredibly open and encouraging and supportive. After these interviews I felt like I had built a sort of board of directors, people I could look to for guidance through the coming years and people who truly stood for my success.

I think this was the beginning of relying on my tribe of women for support (both professionally and personally) For a long time, a group of friends and I met each week for what we called "in Progress." This was a place where each of us could share what we were up to creatively, celebrate what we had accomplished and get input and feedback on where we were stuck or stopped. At the end of each meeting we would commit to taking one more step before the next meeting. We learned so much from each other! But most importantly, I learned that women helping women is a truly sacred thing.

In writing this, I remembered that we played the game Cowgirls at our first meeting. This is one of those games with a stack of cards with questions and everyone goes around the room and responds. One of the questions that came up was, "What part of your body do you dislike?" The woman who got the question (someone I didn't know before that night) looked perplexed. "Honestly, I can't think of any parts of my body that I dislike." I have never forgotten that moment because I had never met anyone before that day who accepted her body just as it was. Again, there is so much to learn from other women.

My creative girl posse has grown and morphed over the years and is a hugely important part of my life. I appreciate how loving and admiring we are with one another, how there is a culture of generosity in these relationships and an authentic desire for one another's success. I also love how much we play dance, laugh and cry with each other.

Swirly was here for the last few days and I miss her already. We hiked in the woods, went to a dance class, had a photoshoot at my studio, made a beautiful meal, drank way too much wine, and had slumber party giggle fits. We also had "business" meetings about our respective projects and gave each other lots of great feedback.

Have you seen your girl tribe lately?