self portrait writing lists at Cafe Gratitude, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

A few years ago I read a fantastic book called The E-Myth: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What do Do About It. (If you are running a small business or you are thinking of starting one I highly recommend it)

One of the best things I learned from the book was about the three basic roles that exist in any successful business. The Entrepreneur, The Manager and The Technician. The entrepreneur is the visionary. She is the person that looks at the big picture, creates a vision for where the company is going and creates a plan for how the business must operate to get there. The manager supervises, oversees the day to day operations and makes sure systems are in place that allow things to work efficiently. The final role in this trio is the Technician. This is the person that gets the job done. In my case, the technician designs the jewelry, puts it together, ships the packages and communicates with the clients.

The problem in a lot of creative businesses is that the artist stays too long in the role of the Technician (making the pies, the jewelry, the music) and rarely steps out to embody the other roles. Also, because the Technician is the doer, they often want to do it all themselves and believe they are the only ones that can do the job. (Hello me!) This leads to burnout for the artist and an imbalance in the business that doesn't allow it to grow. Besides that, no one is managing the big picture and asking important questions about the business itself.

As I come out of a wonderfully busy Mother's Day season, I can't help but notice how steeped I am in Technician. I am your little workhorse and whatever you need done I will hop to it with lightning speed! I've become a little doing machine, not just in my business but in the rest of my life as well. Whether it's packaging orders or getting Ben his bottle, I am so deep in doing mode I can barely see straight. I am literally breathless.

I long for the manager in me to rise up and see that we need to find some recipes, make a list and go to grocery store. I long for the visionary that can step back and imagine where Ben might go to preschool and how we're going to pay for it. I need someone who can write a budget, plan some trips for the summer, and get some healthy food on the table every night. I long to be one of those people that cooks for the week on Sunday. Who are these people? and how do you do it?

Just as this book warns that just playing the role of technician will eventually lead to burnout, I see that this imabalance is true for regular life as well. Before Ben and when I still lived in the city, I used to take a lot of public transportation. I never minded an hour long bus or train ride because it gave me time to write in my journal. This usually consisted of me making copious lists. I made lists of things to do that day. I made lists of dreams I had. I made lists of trips I wanted to take, camera equipment I wanted to buy and what our boy would look like when he came into our lives. I made lists of what I was grateful for, what I wanted to let go of and what I wanted to manifest. Sometimes I never even looked back at these lists, but making them always calmed me.

I see now that this was my visionary time, and without it I feel ungrounded, directionless and floaty. Today I dare you to make some lists of your own and see how it feels. It only takes a few minutes, but it is like finding yourself on a map.

You can't get where you're going if you don't know where you are.

For any of you last minute folks out there, I can still do Express Mail overnight shipping to get your orders to you for Mother's Day. (I am only offering bulls eye pendants with this option though)

Apparently moving at the speed of light, trying to get all my orders out this season and watching Ben all at the same time isn't without its flaws. I have been double shipping lots of people and I am so grateful that you all are so honest! Thank you for letting me know!

I am slowing coming to terms with the fact that my short term memory is shot to hell and I might never fully recover it. My friends who are in their sixties told me about an article they read on new moms' brains. Apparently they look the same as sixty-something year olds' brains! So there is a biological reason why I am mildly insane right now.

That said, I've been known to overcompensate for my flaws and send you way more necklaces than you even ordered!

Deb Talan of The Weepies, full with baby Theo back in 2007, Los Angeles, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

Deb Talan is one of my dearest friends. Since I was a fan of her music before we met, there is still a part of me that gets all goobery and starry eyed by her talent, her beauty and her deep creativity. If you haven't heard Deb's music or The Weepies yet you are in for a treat.

We met in a serendipitous way, which is how all of the best things in my life unfold. Years ago, Matt and I were searching for a summer subletter and a friend pointed us to a wonderful musician who needed a place to live for several months. One day he heard me playing the Weepies and ran into my room excitedly, "You're a fan of the Weepies?" When I told him how much I loved them, he smiled and said that he was a friend of theirs and often plays with them. We hatched a plan for them to do a house concert at our place a few months later.

It was like a dream come true. I remember a moment so vividly when I was stirring a big pot of pasta on the stove and Deb and Steve were doing soundcheck in the living room. I grinned so wide, taking in the music and thought, My favorite band in the whole world is playing in my living room right now. How did I get so lucky? My heart was so full.

And really, you guys know this because you are Weepies fans. Even when they are playing on your stereo in your living room, you get that full-hearted warm feeling, right? They just do that to you.

Their new album was just released, Hideaway, and I think it's the best one yet. A friend of mine put it well when she said, How did they know they were making an entire album just for me?

Ben at his piano, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

"You are the music while the music lasts." -T.S. Eliot

New Superhero Photo Challenge is up on Shutter Sisters!

paint chips, Ace Hardware, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

I realize that I've been waiting to post, for that exact right moment when I'm not feeling fragmented and distracted. That moment when I'm not simultaneously checking my email, packaging an order, and wondering if we're too late to apply for preschools or if Ben needs therapy for his chewing issues. And speaking of food, do we have any food in the fridge? and oh yeah, I should probably brush my teeth today. Maybe after one more espresso.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, fragments.

My life is a little chopped up at the moment. My phone calls are all in little slices (call you back, Ben just had a poo!) my work is fragmented throughout the day between naps. My sleep is still fragmented by trips to Ben's room for soothing or milk. Sometimes I feel like I don't give anything my full attention, that everything and everyone gets a little bit less of me than before, but I've been learning to make peace with the the fragmented life.

I posted the above photo because as I look at these paint chips, I see how beautiful this cut up little landscape can be, little bits of color strung together (some you like and some you don't) but together they make quite a stunning composition. This is the lens through which I want to see my life right now. Little bits of beauty, or hurt, or tiredness, or joy all bound together. If you stand back just a little bit you can see how it all fits together and makes something beautiful.

P.S. Matt got into a cycling accident yesterday with a German shepherd that isn't fond of bicycles. He's all slinged up (and hopped up on painkillers for his badly sprained arm) but I am grateful it was nothing worse. Send a few healing wishes his way. I know he'd love that.

Ben, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

Ben, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

At the post office counter, my cell phone rings. A little sheepishly, I answer because I see that it's Matt.
Matt: Hi! (clearly very happy about something)
Me: (whispering) I'm at the counter at the post office, what is it?
Matt: Ben pooped in his Baby Bjorn toilet!
Me: Really?! Okay, I'm going to call you back.
Me: (To the post office worker, as a way of apologizing for being on my cell phone during our transaction) My 16 month old just pooped in his little toilet for the first time!
Post office worker #1: Wow! cool...
Post office worker #2: (Really loud booming male voice) He did?! Ben did that? Way to go Ben!
Customer #1: Way to go Ben!
Cutsomer #2: Way to go Ben!

And there we all were, a bunch of strangers really, smiling and happy for Ben and his little victories in life. Way to go Ben. We are so proud of you.

Roan, Berkeley, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

Photo Friday's theme this week is electricity. I thought this photo was perfect; Roan and his electric guitar.... he gave us quite a concert during the photo session, complete with head banging and cool lyrics: Leave me alone mommy! He is way awesome.

The new batch of bulls eye pendants are in! I will be shipping them out this week to all of you who are waiting so patiently. Thank you!

And I wanted to share the beautiful photo above of Boho and Carsten wearing their pendants. What a handsome pair! (Shot by Boho Denise)

Karen Walrond, Canon Rebel Xti

I had the pleasure of seeing the beautiful Karen Walrond when she was in San Francisco this week. Having only met her once before in real life, I was so delighted to spend time with her.

I was also really excited to photograph her in the new superhero pendant. But alas, I was so distracted by her beauty that I abandoned this task altogether and just basked in her lovely smile and spirit.

If you don't know Karen already, she is a lawyer, a mom and a fellow Shutter Sister. And to quote Flight of the Conchords, she could also be a part-time model. Or full-time!

self, with new superhero bulls eye pendant, Canon Rebel Xti

One of the things I was curious about when I did the media cleanse was this: What was the feeling I experienced just before reaching for the tv or the phone or the email? What was it that drove the compulsive habitual behavior?

What I learned is that for me (and for most of us I would guess) the impulse was about a desire for connection. There is a kind of loneliness that comes before the reaching, a sort of anxiousness, a wanting to fill up the moment/the silence/the space with something. For someone like myself who works alone, blogging and email seemed like a reasonable solution. But I have been questioning if these ways actually satisfy that desire for connection or if it is simply more of that grasping that we humans seem to do so much of.

My zen calendar today had this quote by Thoreau: "Many go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after." What are we after anyway? What are we reaching for when we reach for our cell phones, our email, our twitters, our flickrs, our blogrolls, our Blackberries? If it is connection, what will that connecting mend in us?

I recently did something that I have been meaning to do for nearly a year. I went to my studio, brought pencils and paper, a brand new set of oil pastels, some great music and began to draw. It was the most glorious two hours. I experienced that sense of timelessness that you get when you are completely absorbed in a creative or meditative act. I left feeling so lifted up, so joyous, so full of life. More than anything though, I noticed the extent to which I didn't need anything more in those moments and in the hours after. I was filled up. I didn't need anyone or anything to be okay. I was just okay.

I hope I am describing the extent to which this is a revolutionary feeling for someone who has a zillion lists running in her head, is always in motion and has mild anxiety a lot of the time. Feeling completely okay is like touching nirvana.

We all know that art heals. We all know there is something sacred, deep and completely transporting about being creative. We seem to forget this over and over again. I know I did. So I remind myself again today, as I check my cell once more to see if anyone texted me (do they love me?!)

I'm off to the studio for another dose of the really good stuff.

Elizabeth and belly, San Francisco, CA, Canon Rebel Xti

3 good things:
1. The new photo challenge is up on Shutter Sisters!

2. Adie Loves Pollyis the cutest website I haver ever seen!

3. For you Weepies fans out there, you can now pre-order their new album Hideaway on Itunes and listen to the title track on their site.

You are exactly where you need to be.

You are not missing out, falling behind, doing it wrong,
not trying hard enough.

You are doing more than enough.

Whatever opinions you have about it,
however imperfect
This is yours.

Where you are right now.
Sitting here surfing the internet even.
Is perfect.

Elizabeth, Sadie and John, Canon Rebel Xti

The pendants arrived and I have been having a great time getting them all ready to send out! I am getting close to selling out of the first batch and plan to make more. Thank you so much for your orders!

I have been feeling extra blessed this week thinking about the incredible support I get from all of you, and also knowing that the most satisfying thing is how connected I feel to each of you. I love that when someone orders something they often tell me who its for, or what special meaning it has for them. Sometimes it is for someone they love who needs a little lift, or a special gift for themselves, something to remind them of their strength and creativity. Whatever the case, I love being connected to you in these small ways, little bits of our stories intermingled. You are all so generous with me and with the people in your lives.

Something else to celebrate: I am so moved and excited by a project that my friend Jen Lemen is doing. You can read about it on her blog (and contribute if you like)... It is incredibly inspiring and full of hope. The whole project is outlined here.

Sasha wearing a bulls eye superhero pendant, Canon Rebel Xti

Sasha, wearing a bulls eye superhero pendant, Canon Rebel Xti

For years I have wanted to design something that had the superhero message, but was more delicate and totally different than the classic superhero necklace. I am so delighted to introduce the newest addition to the superhero collection: the bulls eye pendant!

It is made of sterling silver with a bulls eye on the front and the word "superhero" engraved on the back... a little message for the wearer, like a whisper in her ear, to remind her she is a superhero. Whenever she (or you) feels she needs a boost, she can turn it over and read her little love note. Like all superhero necklaces, it is meant to remind you of your courage, your strength, your creativity and your magic.

It comes with a delicate ball chain and the pendant has a matte finish. I will be getting the first batch in next week and will photograph the other side. Several of you already spotted it on the web site and pre-ordered. I am thrilled to have such a great response already!

Oh! and it is 49 buckaroos, which makes it a great gift for you and/or the other dear friends, family and soul sisters in your life.